shake yer hands in the air...

happy monday, people!
take a deep breath.
think of all the good that will happen
between now and friday afternoon.
visualize peace and creativity.

it will only happen if you want it to.

sunday with a cherry on top

amazing day.
as the gorgeous sun coming in through the
kitchen windows,
i made heart-shaped pancakes
and eggs
for my man.

yummy buckwheat
pillows with butter and
real maple syrup.
chai tea with steamed rice milk.

then i went for a run.
it was brilliant!
i ran further than i thought i could.
and i kept going. my legs felt strongstrongstrong!
my cheeks flushed and the sun on was on my face.

charm city was at its finest as it blurred by.

now, i am showered and am getting
ready to heat up heirloom tomato/bread
soup that we made from the end-of-summer
farmers' market tomatoes.
arugula salad with jicama and grapfruit, too.

enjoy the rest of your weekend!

angels a-la-mode

last weekend we were
nestled in, with paul's family,
deep in the shenendoah mountains.
after a yummy dinner,
many games of pool,
and much success with
depleting our
weekend-wine-stock,
my sis-in-law, laura, and i
decided to make snow angels.
naked.

brrrrrrr!
it was reallyreallyreally cold!
but worth the admiration of others
in the morning.

ahoy, maties!

My pirate name is:

Mad Ethel Flint

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

self-portrait tuesday: 1/17/06 little explosions

my father was married five times.
my mother was his third wife.
they had two children.

rikk was born four years before me.
we lived together until
he was 12 and
i was 8.

at first, i lived with my mom.
and he lived with my dad.
then...eventually, we switched.

i have very painful memories from that time of my life.
being whisked away to texas..
coming home, six months later,
and feeling elated from seeing my mom and dad
standing together at the airport.
and then watching my dad drive away
after he dropped us at the house.

it all happened at the same age of the children i teach now.
maybe that is why i can relate to the shorties so well.
maybe i am stuck in that eight-year-old self.
maybe i want to somehow relive that time
and heal...become strong and
kick the ass of all those memories.
damn.
how crazy is that?

the pictures above are from a happier time.
my brother and i blissfully unaware of the grownup chaos
that surrounded us.
my dad had left behind three children
from two other marriages.
my mother had abandoned her first husband
to follow (or chase) my father (still married to his second wife)
to california and have his baby.
his second divorce, and hers, came through just in
time for them to get married while
i was growing in her stomache.

secretssecretssecrets.

in these pictures, i thought rikk was my only sibling.
i adored him.
he made me laugh.
he walked me to school every day until
i was in third grade.
he would wait outside the door of my classroom
every day.
every year: mrs. erhardt, mrs. binder, mrs. caruth, ms. cole.

then. i never lived with him again for more than a year.
we would spend weekends together
sometimes.
then, my mother moved to florida
and took him with her.
she would call and tell me what a
great time they were having.
how much fun it was there with her.
and that she hoped i enjoyed living
with my dad.

my brother and i have gotten close again
over the years.
it took some time.
we sat in his driveway, in florida,
with many tiny boxes of caps
(the kind you put in a cap-gun)
and rocks.
talkingandtalkingandtalking.
and remembering.
and laughing each time
the tiny explosions startled us.
the smell of sulpher making
us kids again.

rikk's motto is: you choose family.
amen, brother, amen.

january's challenge: personal history

happy birthday, martin!

last week
the shorties read
educational newspapers
about
martin luther king.
they read about rosa parks
and how she bravely sparked
the boycotts that rocked
the nation.
they read about
racism,
hate,
and the craziness
of segration
back in the day.

afterwards, they reflected
on how the past connects with the
racism,
hate,
and the craziness
of the lack of
equality
that is current today.

"my dad is a racist...sometimes...", one of my students
bravely admitted.

another informed, "my mother says never get
into a cab with a white cab driver cuz
you don't know where he is going to take
you or what he'll do to you."
sadly, when i first moved to the city,
my now-estranged birth-mother had said the
same thing, only with a different-color warning.

we listened to a series of stories
told by people who survived the
jim crow era.

the shorties eyes grew big
as one woman told about
how she confronted
someone blocking the exit
to a movie theater as she was
leaving with her sister.

"she had to be braaaaaaaaaaaaaave," one
shortie said with complete seriousness,
eyebrows raised.
he was right.
"people like that, and like rosa parks
fought for us to have the freedom we have today,"
lectured another to all of us.

i spent the day of martin luther king's birth
in luray, virginia with my family.
we watched the movie, crash.
it is about the stereotyping and racism
that has been developed and fostered
over the years among people
of all races.

if you haven't seen it, then do.

so, martin, thank you.
thank you for your bravery and courage.
thank you for advocating for all people.
happy birthday.
may your dreams come true...

self-portrait tuesday 1/10/06 much later

this picture was taken about 13 years ago.
7 years after i met my brother, tom.



when we met,
i was 19 and he was 34
he came to maryland to meet
our dad.
they didn't hit it off too well.
but we did.

when he drove away, i followed him to the airport
and, over a beer, asked him
a million questions.

when i got home that night,
i called his place in colorado
and asked if he would be
my big brother.
the next day, i got a message,
"yes. i would love to be your
big brother."

i can't believe that it took us
so long to meet.
we often talk about how crazy it would
have been if we had grown
up together.

sometimes
especially when we are laughing reeeeallly hard,
i feel sad about
all of the time
that was lost.

is it strange that i miss his
teenage-self that would have
beat me up and picked on me?
or all of the intimidating he would have
done towards some of the creepy-creeps
from my high school days?

when he tells me stories about
when he was younger,
i am sad that i couldn't have
been there to encourage him,
or kick someone's ass for him.
i would have been a cool
baby sister back in the day.

when we see each other,
(he lives in vegas),
we torment each other a lot
to make up for all of the lost years.
we hang out and sing at the top of our lungs
after too much tequila.
he is one of the toughest,
rockin-est people i know.

http://selfportraittuesday.blogspot.com/

self-portrait tuesday 1/3/06: cheers!

january challenge: personal history

this is one of my favorite photos of me.
i am nine months old.
my uncle frank used to let me
drink beer out of his bottle!
judging by the smile on my face,
i must've liked it!
i guess i've always liked beer...



i thought this photo was also appropriate
this week since i am still on vacation
and i have enjoyed a beer, or two over
the holidays!

i am shortie-free until next monday.
i have to say that i miss them a lot!
i am excited to hear about their breaks
and dig into a new approach to writing.
(inspired by a book that my aunt gave me
for christmas!)

mostly. i miss my daily hugs.
(i get at least 28 a day!)

so, i will enjoy another beer and toast to the shorties
and a peaceful new year for all of us everywhere!

i hope you all have a

happy holiday.

self-portrait tuesday: peace-out 2005

second week of v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n!

i need to relax.
lay on the sofa for a day
and watch movies and
try to kick this
cold that has been
trying to take over my lungs.

i wonder what the shorties are doing.
i see each face and try to picture
how their christmas was.
how their break is going.
i miss them.

looking at the pictures
from december,
i am so proud of how
far they have come since
the beginning of third grade.
now we are halfway through fourth and
they are truly embracing
our only class rule:
"we take care of each other".

they worked so hard together
to learn "o little town of bethlehem"
in spanish.
they worked even harder to perform it
in a round.

we filled our pinata and whacked at it
until it exploded everywhere.
and they shared.
they actually offered candy to one another
rather than greedily stuffing their
pockets.

we made tacos and they all waited until
everyone (including me) was seated with their
food and ready to eat.
that takes willpower for a ten year old!

we practiced our sign language song
with a passion.
each child worked on their part until
each movement was perfect.


they have grown to value peace.
to value friendship.
to really understand their part in
a peaceful community.

i know that i have to teach them
academically, too.
but if you can't get the peace-thing
down...then none of the rest matters.

but my shorties...they have it all down.

have a peaceful new year.
everyone.

december challenge: reflective surfaces.

self portrait tuesday

ms. kathleen's photos

jingle all the way

walking in a winter wonderland

i went to see mike errico in new york on wednesday.
the city was so quiet with the absence of busses and the subway rumble.

i walked from penn station to the village, where i spent hours walking around, people watching and taking photographs.

i overheard someone talking on her phone while walking down bleeker street,
"i have been shopping all day and i only got a present for lorna," she whined, "and then i talked to greg and HE got her a BIG present. so now i am going to have to give her cash, too! god...this christmas is killing me!"

i just don't get that whole scene.
it is just ugly.

the other conversations i heard were at the corners while waiting to cross.
"i had to walk 80 blocks to get to work! and it is going to be hell getting back"
"i walked for an hour and a half. it was a workout! i am not even going to the gym today"
i heard a story about a girl who walked for two hours. upon reflection she said,
"that is how long it takes me on the subway. maybe i should walk every day!"

there were skateboarders, rollerbladers and bikers scattered among the walkers.
and i was there, too.
it was a beautiful first day of winter in the big apple!

self portrait tuesday - empty hall syndrome

the shorties are gone.
the halls echo with the
whirring of the floor polisher.
christmas decorations will have to come down
before we come back in january.

"when you come back,
KNOW your multiplication tables!"
yeah right.
"practice figuring out elapsed time!"
i'm sure they are doin' it right now.

watch t.v. all day?
not my shorties!
buy as much junk food at the
corner store as their piggy-bank
chang will allow and eat it all
'til they're green?
nope. no way.

yesterday, we had our
meeting where the staff
reflects over the last session.
it is always intense and emotional
as we discuss
what is working, what is not?
who is in critical need of help?
what can we do?
what philosophies should we follow?
are we staying true to our mission?

when i went to leave
with all of my bags and books,
a group of shorties were there.
"ms. kath-A-leeeeeeeeeeeeen!"
it's only been since
last friday that i saw them.
they acted like it had been forever.
and, even though i need this break,
it had been.

i am officially a teacher on vacation.


december challenge: reflective surfaces
selfportraittuesday.blogspot.com/

how flakey can you get?

this is out of control.
i spent an hour, last night, making virtual paper snowflakes.
check it out!
(and thanks, cousin suzie for getting me hooked!)

happy winter!

another round

we are not pregnant.

"your results came back negative.
call us on day one of your next cycle".

that's it. period.

sitting in my classroom,
the shorties gone home to start their winter break,
those words wrapped around
all of my sadness, anger, frustration and grief.

paul and i are going to eat sushi and drink champagne
when he gets off work tonight.
if i can't be pregnant, then i will indulge in
what i can't have when i am pregnant.

so this weekend calls for:
hot baths.
running until i am spent.
bourbon in my eggnog.
dancing until the morning with my friends.

i have hope.

SPT 12/13/05 december challenge: reflective surfaces

this is a picture of me in fourth grade.
i always say, to the shorties, when they are trying
to fool me,
"please don't act like i was never in fourth grade...
i know ALL the tricks!"
and they roll their eyes as i put my hand on my hips
and try to show as much attitude
as i can muster.
and then we all laugh at what a dork i am.

this is the time of year that is
the most exciting for children.
i remember being in fourth grade.
i still believed in santa
but was afraid to tell my friends
cuz i knew they would tease me.
i had no proof.
only faith.

the children cannot focus.
can't sit stop wiggling.
and who blames them?
there is WAY too much going on
in their creative minds!

so i take a deep breath.
plan to jump around a lot.
and am thankful that i have them
to make me smile so much.

most importantly, i remember
their strong faith in
everything that has to do with the
magic of christmas.
and i know that life is
truly good.

selfportraittuesday.blogspot.com/

seven days

i got the call.
"ms. mccullough...we need you to take the blood test NEXT friday.
this week was too soon."
i explained that the lab slip said to go today.
"yes...i know...but it is too soon. we will need you to go again in seven days".
i am going to get my doctor a calendar for christmas.
doesn't he know he is dealing with
an intensely emotional person here?
argh!

deep breathing.
i will go to yoga tomorrow.
i will get ready for the holidays.
i will drink tea and write my christmas cards.

second by second, i will get through the next seven days.

stillness

it is 3:30 in the morning and i cannot sleep.

it is absolutely still and quiet on the streets
as the sky tucks in a thick blanket of snow over baltimore.
if i close my eyes i can pretend that i am in the mountains
where there is only animal traffic.

my first snow day.
i can imagine the shorties excited faces when they wake up
and realize the freedom of the day before them!

in a few hours, i will go have my blood taken.
by the end of the day, i will know
elation for the small being growing inside my belly
or disappointment of another month
not having concieved.

i keep imagining that the snow is mother nature's
way of wrapping me in a thick, safe blanket
to nurture me regardless of the results i get today.
there is a reason for this snow day.

self-portrait tuesday 12/05

december challenge: reflective surfaces

this picture was a complete mistake.
i accidentally had the zoom on when i released the shutter, but it turned out to be one of my favorite pictures from this trip.
this is my best friend, keno.
he was my inspiration to start photographing.
this picture, to me, is stellar because it is
obvious how much i simply adore him.
i love the reflection in his glasses.
we laugh immensely when we are together, drink way too much coffee, and chat about everything from plaid patterns to banana creme pie.

flakes

okay.
so it wasn't a blizzard.
it wasn't even enough to get excited about a possible snow day.
but it was enough to ditch the classroom and run outside !
happy winter everybody!

self-portrait tuesday 11/29

november challenge: identity

if all goes well,
soon i will change.
physically and emotionally.
i will no longer be singular
as a being.
i hope.
i keep thinking about how different
everything will be
will i be a good mother?
will i lose myself?
something that i have wanted so much
may be about to happen.
i am
terrified and
ecstatic
all at once.
i am also bracing
myself
in case i remain
singular
in being.

santa is watching...

of course, i won't use this line
on the shorties...
no really,
i won't.



the tree is up and plans are being made.
we are celebrating christmas in the mexican tradition.
through my research, i found that there is a tradition to have
NINE parties, one each day, before christmas eve!
i know the shorties will be stoked about that
because we would have to have three parties a week
until our christmas break to
live up to that tradition.
yikes!
i will keep you posted.

self-portrait tuesday

november challenge: identity

sometimes
i wish i was an angel.
not the fluffy, frou-frou type that
flies around wearing the cute white dress
and strumming a harp.
but the kind that kicks some ass
occasionally.
well...maybe not really hurt someone
but scare the meaness outta them
you know?
scare the ickiness outta their
soul.
i would rock out on some
angelness!

teaching?

man oh man this camera is crazy!
all i want to do is take pictures now.

and then...just when i thought it coudn't get better,
our friend, adam, met us at the farmer's market this morning
with his nikon D-70
and he put his wide-angle lens on my camera.
what an amazing time i had!
poor paul...
he is officially a camera widower.

check out all of my new photos
on my flickr site and see the shorties hammin' it up!
or...just smile, shake your head,
and tell me you did.

helloooo lov-ah!

oh my.
i am in so much trouble...
i have spent all weekend trying to figure out
all of the bells and whistles and yee-haws
of this amazing
piece of technology.

keep yer eyes peeled
as the shorties are going to
think the paparazzi is in town.
(hee! like they don't already...)

spt 11/08/05: identity - serious

my job
is one of the most serious jobs in the world.
i have young minds to fill and shape.
past, current and future students look
to me as a model of all that i teach.
a model of all that we say is just and right.
scary.
what do they see when they look at me?
love?
discipline?
encouragement?
disappointment?
i wonder if the children know
that they
are really teaching me.

selfportraittuesday.blogspot.com/

mskathleen.blogspot.com/

apples and pumpkins and scary stories...

oh my!
i love autumn.
our classroom has become a colorful science lab,
art studio, writers den
and kitchen show.

we spent weeks writing
our scariest, most suspenseful stories
while munching on the small piles
of candy corn on our desks.

the mathematical-thinking race was on to figure out
just how many pieces of these seasonal
candies i had crammed into our candy jar.
the winner got to take the contents home
and overdose on sugary goodness.



we gutted pumpkins after estimating
their weight and seed count.
we roasted one, whole, with milk, brown sugar, spices and butter;
and boiled the other and topped the chunks with
butter, honey and spices.
we toasted all of the seeds with olive oil, rosemary, and salt.
we are going to plant some of them next week and watch them grow.



granny smith apples became the best
mushy-buttery-sugary goodness we have ever tasted.



we sat around our campfire with full bellies and read our
scary stories with the spookiest, most suspenseful
voices we could muster.
story-sharing is such a celebration!
the shorties are so proud of their writing
and each one beamed
as they read their creation.



the shorties amaze me, once again.

free and clear

hope.

in through my bellybutton with a
tiny camera
mixed with a coupla' more tiny
incisions,
revealed that our chances of
conceiving
exist!


crazy technology.

paul and i have been sweating it out
ever since we have been trying to get me pregnant.
the waiting,
and trying,
and planning,
and waiting,
and wondering
why-the-hell-it's-not-working...

and waiting.

and now that we have the results of months
of fertility testing,
we are back to the waiting,
and trying,
and waiting.

the difference is that we are
more optimistic now.
hopeful.
relieved even.

so cross your fingers,
send good vibes,
pray,
do a fertility dance...
whatever you believe in...
do it for us.

also...put it out there for my cousin and her husband.


of course, staying in the context of my blog...
the shorties are upset that i am trying to have a baby.
"you are going to leave us after you have your baby!"
"why do you want children? you have us?"
"why don't you adopt?"
"how does the baby come out of a mother's body?

my reply:
"i will never leave you"
"you all have families who love you and won't let me take you home"
"i may adopt"
"that, you will have to ask your mother"
(one of my students leaned over and
whispered the answer in his ear and his eyes got SO BIG!)

we are on break this week.
allowing me to rest.
to reflect.
to plan.

the future looks good.
scary.
full.

happy weekend!

groovin' in the streets

the shorties sang on tuesday.
they sang in the community childrens choir that is mosty made up
from kids at our school.
the choir is called sandtown
just like the neighborhood
they were singing for the dedication of a
habitat for humanity house.
the woman who the house now belongs to is a graduate
of our school.
i love my job and all that it encompasses.

you can check out their cd on the link above, or go to
itunes and type in "sandtown".

we take care of each other. we really do.

this week in pictures

what an amazing week.
the shorties continue to amaze me each day.
tuesday, one student came in terribly and understandably upset.
his grandfather had died the night before.
i sat and talked with him as the others got
ready for their day.
he cried deeply and painfully as the others
looked on with worried faces and offered kleenex.
i praised them for remembering our motto:
we take care of each other.

then, i asked, "would anyone like to share about
a time when they lost someone and felt sad? maybe that
would help..."
so, one story at at time, the can of worms was opened.
"when my cousin was shot, i talked to my mom"
"when my uncle died last year, i tried to be strong"
"i wrote letters to my grandmother when she died"

and, one by one, they were all crying.
i had an entire classroom of crying children.
not just sniffling.
they were burying themselves in pillows and
sobbing gut-wrenching tears.
they were wailing.
i even had tears in my eyes...
i was also panicking a bit.

but i realized, they needed this release.
they just needed a good cry.
jeez...and don't we all sometimes?

so, after a box of kleenex and many group hugs,
we gathered on our rug and brainstormed
things we have now...things we are thankful for...
things that make us happy.

and through tears, i had responses,
"cotton candy"
"singing"
"fingerpaint"
"candles"

and then some smiling,
"shopping"
"candy corn"
"reading"

and, finally, we were all smiling.
and they seemed stronger
as a class.
they had been through something together
and had made it through.
they bonded even more through the struggle of grieving.

they were telling other teachers, later that day,
"we cried all morning. but we helped each other and
we're ok now."
they are stronger now.

they amaze me.

reading

i read this poem on the writers almanac today.


Instructions
by Sheri Hostetler, from the anthology A Cappella: Mennonite Voices in Poetry

Give up the world; give up self; finally, give up God.
Find god in rhododendrons and rocks,
passers-by, your cat.
Pare your beliefs, your absolutes.
Make it simple; make it clean.
No carry-on luggage allowed.
Examine all you have
with a loving and critical eye, then
throw away some more.
Repeat. Repeat.
Keep this and only this:
what your heart beats loudly for
what feels heavy and full in your gut.
There will only be one or two
things you will keep,
and they will fit lightly
in your pocket.

life is good

this picture pretty much sums up our sunday.
paul, paprikash and i enjoyed the sunny spots yesterday
as we dearly needed rest.

i worked in paul's wine store pouring wine for a
tasting all day.
man oh man do i appreciate him even more!
dealing with the public when giving away free alcohol is not pretty.
people can be downright rude in fact.

i caught myself wanting to say
"it is polite to say please and thank you, when you want something
or when someone kindly gives you something"
to the throngs of people, some demanding, wanting their taste.
and, excuse me, but if you have already tasted it once, then you really don't need to
come back for seconds, thirds and greedy fourths...right?
the way that our society treats people (key word here: PEOPLE) in the service industry is embarrassing.
i actually had a man inform me that the wine i pulled out of a bucket of ice was not cold enough.
what i wanted to say was "piss off".
instead, i smiled and told him that an hour on ice was
actually limiting the real flavors of the wine to come out
and that it was actually not warm enough.
he grumpily walked away, downing the wine in one gulp.
jerk-ee.
i should have told him to piss off.

and that, right there, is why i am not in the service industry anymore. HEE!
sometimes, i think that i miss it.
and then i do a catering gig, or a wine pouring stint. and realize that
there are a lot of poopy people out there,

and then i go home and think of ways to keep the shorties from growing into
one of these inconsiderate, grumpy, self-righteous buttheads.

they will never be like that.
they are too golden.



and, THEY, would have said "please" and "thank you".

nose lickin' good

strawberry cupcakes with vanilla icing are almost like gold to fourth-graders!
and strawberry cupcakes that have been left in ms. kathleen's car and forgotten are even better!
i thought i would get them at 11:00 when i took the shorties to p.e.

i forgot.

so when i remembered at 12:30, i opened the back hatch to find
24 pink cake-ettes sitting in 24 puddles of white goo.
luckily something told me to bring an extra jar of icing.
(don't you just love that wise "something" sometimes?)

so, not only were the cupcakes soaked from the bottom up with sugary-goodness
but i frosted them again!


the birthday prince walked around with the big, blue, sticky tray
and offered extras to the other teachers in our school.
upon return, i told him that he could
lick the tray.
hee!



then the sugar-rush-dance ensued!
the shorties were rockin' out on some birthday cheer!

week 3

monday night.
third week.
one child absent due to a rumbly tummy and stuffy nose.
one child sent home with conjunctivitis.
one child with ringworm.
two children with horrible colds.
two bottles of family-sized clorox wipes emptied.

just got home from buying strawberry cake mix and strawberry icing
for daniel's birthday on wednesday.
exhausted on the sofa after watching our new first-grade teacher
scrub finger-paint off of her floor.
throat sore from telling her that the first year teaching is the hardest
and that she shouldn't take it personally
that a parent called her a bitch
because she expects her students to do their homework.
telling her that she can't do this everytime they paint.
assuring her that making them clean up their mess isn't being mean.

is it?

i have been consumed with my classroom.
the shorties (the same ones i had last year) are taking off with their writing
and brainstorming
and book discussions
and math exploration
and just plain rocking out!

we are exploring leadership.
you know...what it MEANS.

and we are writing about people we see as leaders...people we aspire to be like.


and they start writing.
and one writes about his mother.
"she is a leader because she feeds us"
(she doesn't)
"because she always does the right thing"
(she abandoned him years ago)
because she buys me stuff"
(that is not true. and if it were, that is sad that buying him stuff would make her a leader)

so.
we talked again about leaders today.
about how, just because you love someone, they aren't necessarily a leader.
crazy.
deep.
but they got it.
and the wheels were spinning.
and voices started to show good thinking.

tomorrow, we start writing again.
and, when we have made final decisions,
the invitations will go out
to these leaders
my children look up to.
portraits will be drawn.
candles will be lit.
cookies will be made with their own hands
in honor of these leaders.
and they will come to be honored and praised, one at a time,
within the four walls of the place where i beam with pride and
adoration at these sweet faces.

we are back.
this is going to be a stellar year.

safe harbor

hey all. paul and i have posted on this site to house people from new orleans. not sure if you would be interested...but just in case...
http://www.hurricanehousing.org
You can post your offer of housing (a spare room, extra bed, even a decent couch) on or search there for housing if you need it.
also, if you know people that live closer to new orleans that would be interested, let them know as they need more housing in the southeast.
peace - kathleen