no picnic

"dear ms. k."
the email read,
"i miss you.
how is the baby doing?
i thought you said we were your children.
you said we were family.
love, na-na."

how do tell a third grader,
who has abandonment issues,
that i am not leaving her forever?
how do i tell a child who
i have dearly loved since i
first saw her beautiful, smarmy grin
five years ago,
that i will always be in her life?

last week was hard.
i wanted to drive to the school
and tell them one more time
how proud i am of them.
i wanted to go read their writing and
be amazed at their creativity.
i wanted to make sure i have hugged
each one of them enough to last until
i come back to visit.
and then,
start all over again.

sigh.

this is harder than i thought it would be.

sum-sum-summertime

the smell of the ocean
as the waves crash across the sand.
the freshness of the farmers' market
produce nurturing the body and soul.
fire-hydrants bringing communities
together as everyone cools off in the spray.
eating homemade ice cream and hanging out on
the front porch with the neighbors.
soft-shell crab sandwiches and lemonade.

summer is here ya'll!
woot! woot!


what is your favorite part of summer?

spc: going, going...

i went in yesterday to make
sure the new teacher
felt comfortable with
the routine of the shorties' day.
she had written a beautiful
morning messsage in
bright, welcoming colors.
she conducted the
morning circle with ease.

i quietly packed up
my pictures and
notes from five years
of shortie-love.
i put the piggy-bank
that the shorties started
to fill for our son's
college tuition in my bag,
gathered all of the cute
baby clothes and blankets
that the parents brought me,
and closed the door behind me.

my girls from last year caught me
at the front door as they were leaving the gym.
tears.
"don't leave us."
"don't go."
making me feel very loved yet
also like the biggest jerk ever
as we stood there with our
arms around each other.

i left this place of
learning and laughter,
celebration and collaboration,
that i have seen each morning for five years.
i left behind the last six weeks of school
and drove home to my new life.

as lou reed sings,
"this is the beginning of a
great adventure..."



this month's self portrait challenge
is to reveal your environment.

breaking up

"this friday?"
said my most thoughtful shortie.

"yes," i replied through my tears
after i announced that i would
only be their teacher for
one more week.

"but we have seven weeks of school left",
she said, staring at me,
the biggest traitor that she has ever met.
"i worked so hard to get into third grade
and be in your class,"
her shoulders shaking,
"and now you are leaving me."

the kleenex box made its way
around the circle of small hands
as they consoled each other,
"well at least we have one more week together."

how do i make them believe that
i am leaving so that i can be ready
to take care of my new shortie
growing in my belly?
how can they understand that
i am proud of them?

"is it because of our behavior?"

they look at me with hurt faces.
i am letting them down.
"i love you.
you have made me proud.
you are my little chickens."

tears again.
all of us.

"will you be our teacher next year?"

"that is the plan," i lie.

i can't tell them the truth.
the truth that i have decided to stay
at home next year with my boy
and soak in the amazement of motherhood.

i don't even know if i have faced that truth myself.
it is surreal to think that i won't be walking through
those doors each morning to hugs and hand-made notes
telling me how much i am loved.

a part of my heart is being torn away.
and a whole new life is beginning.

spc: waiting

lazily floating on the river all day,
snacking endlessly on
fresh local strawberries,
peanut-butter cookies,
and grapefruit spritzers
(substituting for beer this year).

this is how i start the
wait for summer,
camping with my peeps in
a huge open meadow on
the rappahanock river in
tappahanock, virginia.

good conversation.
good food.
amazing friends,
old and new.

to date, our son has cooked for
33 weeks in my belly.
4 more weeks to go before
the official wait-for-arrival begins.

this summer will bring on a
celebration of life and family.

this month's self portrait challenge
is to show what is special to you in your environment.
to show how you are celebrating the new season in your part of the world.

join in on the fun and check out
other spc-ers in their surroundings here.

(photo credit for capturing my gorgeous belly
goes to kimmy over at shimmer glimpse)