breaking up
"this friday?"
said my most thoughtful shortie.
"yes," i replied through my tears
after i announced that i would
only be their teacher for
one more week.
"but we have seven weeks of school left",
she said, staring at me,
the biggest traitor that she has ever met.
"i worked so hard to get into third grade
and be in your class,"
her shoulders shaking,
"and now you are leaving me."
the kleenex box made its way
around the circle of small hands
as they consoled each other,
"well at least we have one more week together."
how do i make them believe that
i am leaving so that i can be ready
to take care of my new shortie
growing in my belly?
how can they understand that
i am proud of them?
"is it because of our behavior?"
they look at me with hurt faces.
i am letting them down.
"i love you.
you have made me proud.
you are my little chickens."
tears again.
all of us.
"will you be our teacher next year?"
"that is the plan," i lie.
i can't tell them the truth.
the truth that i have decided to stay
at home next year with my boy
and soak in the amazement of motherhood.
i don't even know if i have faced that truth myself.
it is surreal to think that i won't be walking through
those doors each morning to hugs and hand-made notes
telling me how much i am loved.
a part of my heart is being torn away.
and a whole new life is beginning.
oh, you are doing the right thing! those kids may not understand quite yet, but someday you can hope that you not only have set such a positive model as a teacher, but they also see you as a role model as a parent... bring your boy to meet them and show them how much love one person can give. show them that you can still love them, too!
ReplyDeletethose are lucky kids... and yes, i know its always hard to say good-bye... especially after working things out with a tough group!
your words bring tears to my eyes. you are such a good teacher. and you are gonna be such a good mama!
ReplyDeletethey are lucky little shorties to know you.
YAH! Full-time Mama!!!!
ReplyDeletexo's
Oh - this is so sad. You are such a wonder. Your love for these kids comes through in every word you have written and in the way they have responded to you. And to think that they have this reaction when at the beginning of the year things were so rocky. You are incredible. They are lucky to have been taught by you.
ReplyDeleteit's so hard when both things are good things. You are such a great teacher. You're going to be such a great mother!! I'm so excited for you.
ReplyDeletei'm very teary as i write this. i can't imagine how it would feel to be making this decision to not go back, but then your boy-o will be your delight so really, how could your choice be anything but? xoxo
ReplyDeleteI've been so behind on my blog reading (with all the reading about emergent literacy I've been doing!) This is beautiful and sad. You are right to take this year. It's the right choice. There will always be more children to love and teach. Another year.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, that bottom photo...(heart tug)... It hadn't even occurred to me that you wouldn't somehow manage new motherhood and super-teacher roles simultaneously. I'm sure your shorties ARE heartbroken. But, oh, how thrilling for you to be leaping into this new phase of your life...
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