yes. we did.

i am so honored to have been a part of this change.

hope.
it is a strong word.

hope.
i have it, now, for our country.
for our future.

what a wonderful day,
today.

13/52 up and running

13/52 picture of the week. i'm in love with those big, brown eyes!

eli the computer guy (a.k.a. bob) rocks the casbah.
not only did he recover all of my data from my
friedexternalharddrive
but he put it on a new, bigger one
and filled my spinning head with new knowledge
so i won't lose thousands of photos again!
and the best part?
it cost $100 for the data retrieval.
yes, i'll repeat it.
one hundred smack-a-roos.
that's it!.
big difference from the other-guys.
$1500.00 difference.
25,000 photos recovered
with a smile,
advice (the advice is free!)
and the lovely mia
who puts ones mind at ease
from the start.

so.
the photos will resume.
i'll play catch-up when babychop decides
to ever nap again.

12/52 breathe

picture of the week.
eating something he found on the floor. i was hoping it was an "o".

i know i know.
i skipped week 10 and 11.
(i am sure you all noticed!)

my external hard drive is fried.
more than 25,000 photos are trapped inside.
our italy trip.
almost every photo of babychop. ever.
camping fun.
engagement pictures.
all of it. everything snapped before last monday.
unreachable.

let's all keep our fingers crossed
that eli the computer guy will be able to help.

i am not freaking out.
yet.

9/52 literacy and some new kicks

9/52 picture of the week.
reading "does a kangaroo have a mother, too?" by eric carle.

i hold him on my lap and read,
"yes! a penguin has a mama, too!
just like me and you!"
and i kiss his face and hands.

liam loves himself some eric carle.
we actually have to hide this book
to keep him from having us read it
and read it
and read it
and read it
all day long.

i am a teacher-mama
and i am hiding books from my child.
is that so wrong?

the child loves to be read to.
he has gotten really good at turning pages.
he even knows when to turn them without us asking.

"frosty the snowman" is his favorite morning book.
(it plays the song when you open it!)
he climbs down from our bed in the morning
and goes straight for the books.
he gathers them in his arms
and toddles back to us.
we pull him back in with us and read together.

the boy has us completely under his spell.


side-note:
liam wanted me to post a pic of his new kicks.
no.
really.
he wanted me to.




liam's new kicks from livie and luca.

8/52 goodbye summer

photo of the week. refreshments at the playground.

it seems like we just got our new bathing suits
and sandals.
we only went to the beach once
so it can't really be over.

only a few trips to rita's
and to oma's pool.
and really not that many tomato sandwiches made yet.

i was just getting use to the idea of summer.
it just started, right?

we took advantage of
local, seasonal produce
and have stored some away
for the cold rootvegetableandappleonly winter ahead.
our freezer is literally packed with the
fruits of our labor.
we prepared blueberries
and peaches
and cherries
and nectarines
and tomato sauce
and pesto.


maybe just one more watermelon.
a few more ears of corn.
some cantalope.
and just one crabfeast would be nice.
just a bit more of summer, please?

one more camping trip.
one more dip in the ocean.
one more afternoon in the backyard
watching naked babies splash and
squeal as i blow bubbles into the air.

goodbye lazy, dog days of summer.



autumn, here we come!

7/52 photo of the week.

picture of the week. taken at golden west cafe' in hampden.

thump thump thump
up and down the hallway.
up and down the stairs (mama and papa attended, of course).
chasing the kitties.
giggling and teetering and proud.

slap slap slap
his chubby, bare feet
against the wood floors.
our boy shortie is
on the move.

today. in remembrance.

in my classroom, i only had one rule:
we take care of each other. no exceptions. period.

if third graders can do it,
then why can't we?


in honor of those who lost their lives seven years ago
in washington, pennsylvania, and new york,
please take care of each other.



peace.

just because

this video is just so dern cute.
also. i love how paul's voice goes
to a higher octave sometimes
when he talks to liam.

papa and liam. sometime in june.

take two

a photo a day.
that was the plan.
to record 2008 with a
daily photograph of our boy-shortie.
um...hellooooooooooo.
whattheheckwereyouthinking?
i managed it for 115 days.
and then i would catch up every other day.
and then weekly.
and then my iphoto got all wonky.
sigh...

months passed.
and then our sweetpea turned one.

a fresh start.
(well...ok...i am already playing catch-up
but i am going to stick this one out.)
i am going to post a photo of the week.

that's right, all you babychop fans out there!
each friday, posted right here, you'll see the
bestbestbest picture taken that week.

here are the first six weeks


week one: the party!


week two: standing.


week three: being super-cutie-cute.


week four: on the move.


week five: walking with papa.


week six: camping in tappahannock.

oh.
and if you want to see ALL
of the chop's scrumptiousness from
day one until the present,
click here.

happy end-of-the weekend to you.
peace-out.

one, two, three, four

that is how many steps
our boy-shortie took yesterday.

all the other mamas and babies said their goodbyes
after the sing-along
'cept marni and her boy, auggie;
mandy and her girls.

chloe and auggie racing all around
prompted babychop to stand.
lift one foot.
wobble.
then the other.
again.
and again.
then kerplunk
big smile and clapping.

paul was there.
i was there.
we were all grinning as
we realized
life-as-we-know-it
is over.

so fast

liam won't stop growing.
i am trying to savor every moment
yet they seem to fly by.

with each stage there is a different sound he makes,
or expression on his face,
or feat that he has accomplished.
i don't want to forget any of it.

this movie was taken three months ago.
he seems so much smaller than he is now, at one year.

sigh.
i love this baby so much.

grandpa mac

is what liam would've called him.
he would have been 78 this year.

and definately.
he would have adored his grandson.

instead, he's watching over him.
whispering be mischievous
into his ear
to make sure that i get my due.

20 years ago, he died.
and i still miss him.
wish he could be here to see
all that i love
and be a part of it.

i love you, dad.
i know you would be proud.


picture originally posted with these words.

7/26 babychop turns one

i could break your water now and you could have your baby by noon,
said my midwife (one of three in the lovely group) after she informed me that
i was still 5cm dilated since my last appointment
a week prior.
julie is on call today and wanted me to tell
you that she could move things along if you want.

i was ready.
i was huge, swollen and hot, dilated, and ready.
i waddled the ten blocks home from my last checkup
and called paul.
julie is going to meet us at the hospital.
we're going to have our baby!

i had agreed to wait until babychop was ready to come out.
i wanted to do everything naturally
(no induced labor, no drugs at all).
but my favorite midwife was available that day,
and my dear friend, julia,
who agreed to take photos,
was leaving after the weekend for vacation.
and my sister-in-law, who i was counting on for breathing-assistance,
was participating in a yoga-retreat that weekend.

what happens if the cervadil doesn't work?, i asked.
i don't want to get stuck there, in the hospital.

then you can go home. i promise.

we had a cup of watermelon gazpacho before we left the house.
the suitcases had been packed for a week.
we said goodbye to the kitties
and closed the door to a life that was going to change dramatically.

the cervadil was inserted around 3:30
right before julia arrived.
leslie (my sil) arrived from philly around 4.
our doula, tina, moments behind.
around 6, i started feeling a little tightness.
but nothing to write-home-about.

wine was poured into paper cups
(paul and i drank water).
we sat, chatted, sipped and waited.

by 8, i was starting to really feel the contractions.
julie had me lie down to conserve my energy for
when i really needed it.
your going to meet your son soon!
i was too excited to rest.

i got up to pee for the billionth time.
as i sat there, i had my first strong contraction
that left me a bit breathless.
leslie, sitting on the tub in the bathroom,
her forehead against mine as i sat on the toilet,
closed her eyes and whispered breathe.
take your breath within. slowly exhale.

i walked. i danced. i laughed. i cried.
for two hours.

then. i had to focus.
which is something i struggle with.
i am not good at it.
but i had practiced. read everything i could get my hands on.
visualized.
i knew i could do it.

with each contraction, i went deeper within myself.
tightness. my body squeezing whether i wanted to or not.
let go. let your body do what it needs to do.
feel the power of what your body is capable of.

the sounds didn't come from my mouth.
they came from somewhere deeper than i had ever imagined.
they came from my soul.
from my heart.

with each contraction, i moaned and breathed.
paul's eyes were wide as he held my hand
and gave me water.
i love you.
we said over and over to each other.
tears.
laughter.
sweat.
breathing.

are you ready to get into the tub?
ohgodyes.
i could hear the water running and for some strange reason
thought relief was on the way.
wasn't clearly thinking about what was next.

after the next contraction, tina and paul
helped me up and i walked to the bathroom.
i climbed into the tub.
panic.
what position should i get into before the next contraction?
should i squat? no.
get on all fours? no.
float? hell no.
hey. can we pause this whole scene while i figure out my next move?
i wanted to shout.
but i said nothing.
i was staying within.

julie had me sit in the tub, facing her.
i was scrunched in half, filling the width of the tub
instead of the length.
my big belly almost touching my chin,
she had me where she needed me.
where she could control me.
and that was smart of her
cause i was feeling like i wanted to leave.
i wanted someone to switch with me for a while
so i could rest.
but as i looked at each face staring down at me,
i realized it was all on me.
i was the only one on my side of the line.
no one could help me with this.

with the next contraction, i want you to push.
and so we began.
and i pushed.
with all my might.
til i thought i had nothing left.
again.
again? what is she crazy? i have to push more than
once during one contraction?
again.
ohdeargod. and we have only just begun.

oh! i see his head!
julia whispered to a tearful leslie and they both smiled.
i reached down and touched it.
trippy, i thought.

almost three hours later,
and a lot of the same,
(pushing til i thought i would faint,
and then pushing again)
at 2:53 a.m.,
babychop came into this crazy world
weighing 10 pounds and 3 ounces.

julie reached down into the water and pulled him out.
as she handed him to me i stared at him in awe.
he is beautiful!
THIS is the baby we get to take home?!!!
i couldn't stop staring at him.
he was covered in vernix and had a perfectly round head.
ten fingers.
ten toes.
and. so. handsome.

my heart has not been the same since.
the last year has been a trip.
i have been forced to let go and be still.
i have learned to live in the moment and not think about the next.
because even if you think you have it all figured out, it changes at least ten times
before you realize that you don't.

liam.
my sweet boy.
my heart.
my joy and amazement.
happy birthday.

we waited so long to have you.
papa and i are so blessed to have had you delivered to us.

life is crazygood.
i am so thankful.
you have noooooo idea.

i love you, baby.

reaching way out

just when i think i cannot hear
one more sad story;
when it seems like there is just so much
bad in the world,
i read this.
go on...click it. it is a short read.

jen lemen's words
about her trip to rwanda, to visit odette's children,
help me remember the power of sisterhood.
it reminds me that, if you listen to your heart
and do what is right,
then we really can make a difference.

feelin' hothothot

it is hot.
africa-hot.
time for popsicles and
watermelon juice dripping off our elbows.

hope you are all finding ways to keep cool this weekend.

p.s. two weeks until babychop is one!

eleven months

strawberry juice dripping down
to your armpit rolls
as you slurp happily to each stem.
makes you even more delicious.

you shriek happily as the cats eat
the soggy o's you've tossed to the floor
from your princely perch.
poor kitties!

you're wide, wise grin in the morning
sweetly starts each new day
for your papa and i.
what were mornings like before you?

you are a sweetsweet boy
my dear babychop.
i can't believe you are almost one year old.
an infant for only a month more.
almost walking and taking the world by storm.
i love you so much!

happy 11-month birthday, liam.

thursday love: 7 years to papahood

seven years and three days ago,
i married the sweetest,
most patient,
thoughtful man
i have ever met.

together, we created babychop.
"i am bringing another paulie into the world"
i would proudly say as i rubbed my pregnant belly.
making the world a better place, yes?

belatedly, i am grateful:
happy anniversary, my love.
happy fathers' day, too.

liam sure is a lucky boy.
and i fall more in love every day.

ciao, baby!

bambino! piccolo mortadella!
said the sweet italian mama as she stopped to cup
babychop's cheeks on her way out of the restaurant.

the history here is blowing my mind.
the food.
the view.
the people.
it is truly a beautiful thing, this part of the world.

more upon our return...

end of the week thankfulness: mothers' day

my mom and my little brother in 2006.


advice given when she and my father divorced:
"she isn't your daughter. you need to just learn to let go."

i was eight when she became my mother;
thirteen when she decided to not let go.

countless nights were spent worrying about
where i was,
who i was with,
if i was being safe or
driving the speed limit.

she has always had my back.
unconditionally.
i expect it...count on it...
like all children do.
after all, she is my mom.

being a new mama,
i hope that i can show
the same patience, nurturing,
understanding, and strength
to my sweet babychop.

happy mamas' day to all of you mamas,
mamas to be, and women who are
like-a-mama-to-someone.

equal time

has been spent inside and out of my belly
for our mr. babychop.
he turned 9 months old three days ago.

lovelovelove.
it really is grande.

bite my finger

so funny.
not liam.
not even anyone i know.
but my goodness...these kiddos are aDORable!

millie is one!

happy birthday, cousin millie!
you are such a rawkin' babe.

ms. millie, sharing her easter basket with her little cousin, babychop.


we love you, little one.
your sweet smile and giggles
are what good things are made of.

excuses, excuses

we've been doin' a lot of this,
which has been keeping me from
doing this.

tomorrow.
the computer can wait.
his giggles and snuggles cannot.

ham

marni and her boy, auggie stopped by yesterday.
she took this photo.
it is my new favorite.

scrumptious is what he is.

thursday love

i love that his fingers still smell like oats
hours after he tries to shove
each little o-shaped morsel
into his drooly mouth.

yesterday was mr. babypant's 8 month birthday!
he pushes himself up onto his hands and knees
and breathes excitedly
while he rocks back and forth.
the cats lay just within reach and
realize that he is days away from being mobile.
they look on, tails twitching, as they realize
their current favorite sunny-spot
will soon be unsafe from grabbing hands,
stomping feet, and too-loud squealing.


oh...this is gonna be good.

happy spring!

what big eyes you have!

poor cookie...he lays there, helpless, knowing his big eyes are the next object, after the toes, to be chewed upon...

seven months

our boy shortie is seven months old today.
he has two (sharp!) teeth,
and chunky, hunky thighs.

he loves oatmeal,
bananas,
apples,
sweet potatoes,
and drinking out of our water glass.
(and putting his hands in it!)



he talks to himself in the mirror,
squeals at the kitties,
and goes berserk when his papa
comes home from work.

he pushes, scoots, pulls and rolls
to get to where he is going.
(unless we are carrying him, of course.)

he is 21 pounds and is wearing
12-month-size clothing.

he loves to snuggle,
rolling up in a little, cozy ball next to us
when he sleeps.

liam and i spent today at new song.
"what are you feeding that boy?"
we went so i could drop off the photos
that i took two weeks ago.
(today, for the first time i was paid
for my photography!)

we came home and napped
while the ting-tinging of
the rain-on-the-fire-escape
lulled us through dreamland.

happy birthday, child that we love so much.

can you guess?

where i was last night?


more later...

did i hear, "encore"?

just because...

spc: half birthday

halfway to one.
at the risk of sounding cliche':
where has the time gone?

the days have drifted by with
endless snuggling,
amazement,
celebrations,
drool,
giggling,
worry and questioning,
reading and researching,
nibbling,
cradling,
and rocking.

my heart has opened further than i ever thought possible.
i am forced to let go of the box
and see this planet through brand new eyes.
everything new.
everyday a different perspective.

i have feared the worst more than i ever thought possible, too.
feeling very much like a mama lion...
i will rip your limbs off with my teeth if you come near my child...

you always think you know.
you know what it'll be like.
but you don't.
nothing can prepare you for this crazy, wonderful trip.

happy half-birthday, dear boy-shortie.
your papa and mama love you so much.



check out what others are celebrating here.

hello there

day 23 of 366


a few days shy from being 6 months old.

boy, oh boy...

with butter and coffee

that is how i like my rolls...

are there enough kisses for our boy?
i think not.

january's child

walking along boston street this morning,
drinking our iced coffee,
we shed layers of our traditional winter wear
as charm city heated up to an unseasonal 70 degrees.
repeat after me: glo-bal war-ming


i was a bad mama, allowing my son
to kick off his socks and wiggle his toes
in the warm january air.
marni and her boy accompanied us as we
took our afternoon walk to
one world cafe' to get a
peanut butter-banana smoothie.
we soaked in some sun,
appreciating the chance to get
out of the house.