dear 2017,
adventure and being truetomyheart is what i seek.
i know that in order to be proud of myself...do the good stuff...make that happen,
i actually have to do the work;
be honest with myself;
shred excuses.
know that i am counting on you
for encouragement and kindness.
together, i'd like to board the train to badassery and glitter.
i am putting it out there, universe.
so be it.
and then...at the end of that crazy day (yesterday)
I told Mercury (who is in retrograde)
to shove it.
me. in the car this morning
getting ready to start my first day as a liscensed agent.
15 degrees.
dead battery.
bummed a ride.
a few hours later...
dropped 40 sandwiches in the street.
had to uber to do after-school pick up and walk home in
ten-degree weather with said picked-up small person who
walksslowerthanmolasses.
then realized i left my house keys in the car that is at the mechanic.
along with my wallet.
and brain.
thanks to my bestie for saving me
with dinner and beer
and for loving me and my boy.
surprisingly i kept it together (no freakout)
with deep breaths (now. here. this.)
i impressed myself and the chop.
30 minutes at at time.
i made it through 28 half-hour increments.
onward.
in deed.
making my favorite cookies
that my gram used to make when I was a kid.
ting-a-lings: little mounds of melted chocolate and cornflakes...
cooled on wax paper and devoured in yummy, crunchy mouthfuls.
18 oz. semi-sweet milk chocolate. 5 cups cornflakes. pinch (or more) of salt.
1 cup chopped nuts (i left these out and added an extra cup of cornflakes).
melt chocolate in a pyrex bowl (double boiler or microwave).
mix salt with chocolate. add cornflakes and stir.
drop on waxed paper and let air dry.
devour.
Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your root was so entwined together
that it is
inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being in love, which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
- Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin
the bloggingeveryday idea kicked my arse.
big time.
i did make pretty good attempt over
at my photo blog,
but. just. couldn't.
drink enough coffee
or scrape enough time from the clock
to see it through.
this world is breaking my heart.
and baltimore is stomping on what remains.
so i am going to try and spend the rest of this year
looking for the good.
really looking.
tearing through the awful and
shaking it until the
glitter falls out.
boys. movies. kids. jobs. plans. dreams. weather. love. burlesque. desserts.
sex. food. loathing of fake plants. parenting. schools. tantrums. cameras.
*insert anythingandeverything here*
this morning was awful.
defiance from the moment he opened his eyes.
and then, as i signed him in (late) for school,
he runs back down the hallways towards me
and throws his arms around me,
kisses my cheek, and tells me to have a good day.
i am in trouble when he is a teenager.
and above all, watch with
glittering eyes the whole
world around you because the
greatest secrets are always
hidden in the most unlikely
places. those who don’t
believe in magic will never
find it.
-Roald Dahl
this summer has been epic.
the days of
lazy mornings,
cousins visiting,
days at the beach,
guilt-free ice cream eating,
river-rafting,
skateboarding all afternoon...
they are numbered.
in the spirit of the dog days of summer,
i've started over.
the photos that didn't get posted
will just have to understand.
i am continuing with purpose.
*strapping camera onto body*
http://katmcculloughphoto.blogspot.com
these days, i try and scoop him up as much as he will allow
because soon, he will be too heavy.
and too cool.
one month from today, he will begin his eighth year.
jeez louise...slow it down.
summer is about saying yes
when friends invite you to grab midday nosh
and ride around the harbor.
dear baltimore city public schools,
why yes. i will have another beer.
thank you for taking away the
hourly-all-night-text-vigil to see if you will close tomorrow.
thank you for this impromptu girls' night.
with all my heart, kathleen
reflecting on the funeral and loss of a sweet friend, i took a drive down
port tobacco road to chapel point.
i parked as close as i could get to this house and waded through the grass
and the "no trespassing" gate.
in high school, we used to have band practice on this porch.
i have fond memories of long conversations while stripping tobacco in the
barn out back in the winter, and coming in for mrs. goldsmith's home-cooked meals
around the big round table in the kitchen.
it felt good to come here after reconnecting with high school friends today.
it felt good to be back in charles county, on country roads, winding past farm fields,
leading down to the river.
time moves quickly.
it changes everything.
it's not new to me...but today reminded me that we only have a short time to rock this life.
so get to it.
mama, do you want to play bear-ninja-cowboy?
it's just like rock-paper-scissors...
i stop half a block down the street from the school.
i've agreed to let the chop walk up to the corner and
cross with the crossing guard, mr. christopher, all by himself.
i move to hug him after his backpack is on and his mandolin case is secure.
mama...
he whispers, looking around.
people are looking...
this kid.
this amazing boy.
i am so proud and heartbroken at the same time.
this boy,
at the beginning of each day,
puts both hands on my face and
kisses my cheek.
"good morning," he whispers.
wrapping his arms around my neck,
he hugs me hard.
this boy.
full of intensity
and loudness.
he feels deeply and thoughtfully,
his heart swells with and is sometimes crushed,
wanting to be understood and heard
in a world of big people and knowledge.
he loves
his mama and papa,
his family,
his dog,
his legos and stuffies.
he is a rockstar.
an artist.
the world's best snuggler.
and egg cracker.
sweet boy, i don't know how i ever came to deserve you.
you have saved me from giving up on this crazy world
and have filled my heart like i never though possible.
proud? that doesn't even begin to cover it.
happy birthday, sweet baby chop.
you are going to rock seven. i have no doubt.
