hello summer

happy solstice.
the beginning of summer.
playallday time of year.
swim. homemade popsicles. sleep late.
and maybe some multiplication drills thrown in for good measure.

bring it.

half hour increments

me. in the car this morning
getting ready to start my first day as a liscensed agent.
15 degrees. dead battery.
bummed a ride.
a few hours later...
dropped 40 sandwiches in the street.
had to uber to do after-school pick up and walk home in
ten-degree weather with said picked-up small person who
walksslowerthanmolasses.
then realized i left my house keys in the car that is at the mechanic.
along with my wallet.
and brain.

thanks to my bestie for saving me
with dinner and beer
and for loving me and my boy.
surprisingly i kept it together (no freakout)
with deep breaths (now. here. this.)
i impressed myself and the chop.
30 minutes at at time.
i made it through 28 half-hour increments.

onward.
in deed.

love itself

Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
 And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
 You have to work out whether your root was so entwined together
 that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
 Because this is what love is.
 Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,
 it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.
 That is just being in love, which any fool can do.
 Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
 and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
- Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

feeling it

the bloggingeveryday idea kicked my arse.
big time.
i did make pretty good attempt over
at my photo blog,
but. just. couldn't.
drink enough coffee
or scrape enough time from the clock
to see it through.

this world is breaking my heart.
and baltimore is stomping on what remains.

so i am going to try and spend the rest of this year
looking for the good.
really looking.
tearing through the awful and
shaking it until the
glitter falls out.

girl time

boys. movies. kids. jobs. plans. dreams. weather. love. burlesque. desserts.
sex. food. loathing of fake plants. parenting. schools. tantrums. cameras.
*insert anythingandeverything here*

door number two

#nablomo day 2.

this mama-gig, it is not for the weak.

so this new path...
it has to work out.
i need this door to stay open.

i am pretty scrappy.
it takes a lotlotlot to hold me down.
so...just wait. it's about to get real...

unlikely places

and above all, watch with
glittering eyes the whole
world around you because the
greatest secrets are always
hidden in the most unlikely
places. those who don’t
believe in magic will never
find it.
 -Roald Dahl

pow pow.

in response to how our city schools are operating (offering people provisional certification to people with zero experience and not allowing teachers with lapsed certification the same courtesy), a friend wrote a comment in a current thread on my wall. the part about how people would react to this level of disregard in wealthier neighborhoods such as Roland Park or Mount Washington really resonates with me.

it needs to be posted again.

this is what he wrote:

"I have said a few more than a few times that there is profit being made from the failure of kids and adults in Baltimore. One would love to think that this is simply another example of an incompetent system but it is in fact another example of a way to ensure that the kids don't have qualified teachers in front of them, that schools are staffed not by those who have actual experience in urban classrooms but rather by people who have never set foot inside a classroom as an instructional leader, and that the failure of the kids and schools continues. I am sad for you Kathleen McCullough because I know first hand the passion you have for the work, but I am more sad for the kids in the classrooms where these folks are being placed. Let this happen at Mount Washington or Roland Park, let this happen at other schools where there are a majority of white middle class families and watch the outrage. No, these new totally un-experienced folks will end up in the rooms where more is needed, not less, but once again there will be those who wonder why we can't fix this. I am ashamed of how we treat kids in this city. I am ashamed of how we treat adults in this city. And your latest experience just highlights the depths to which those in power are willing to go to keep failure front and center. It is simply too easy to call it insane, or a mistake. This is intentional."

I can't even.

numbered

this summer has been epic.
the days of lazy mornings,
cousins visiting,
days at the beach,
guilt-free ice cream eating,
river-rafting,
skateboarding all afternoon...
they are numbered.

summer daze

in the spirit of the dog days of summer,
i've started over.
the photos that didn't get posted 
will just have to understand.
i am continuing with purpose.
*strapping camera onto body*

http://katmcculloughphoto.blogspot.com

how summer rolls

summer is about saying yes 
when friends invite you to grab midday nosh 
and ride around the harbor. 

pre-storm gratitude

dear baltimore city public schools,
why yes. i will have another beer.
thank you for taking away the
hourly-all-night-text-vigil to see if you will close tomorrow.
thank you for this impromptu girls' night.
with all my  heart, kathleen

back home

reflecting on the funeral and loss of a sweet friend, i took a drive down
port tobacco road to chapel point.
i parked as close as i could get to this house and waded through the grass
and the "no trespassing" gate.
in high school, we used to have band practice on this porch.
i have fond memories of long conversations while stripping tobacco in the
barn out back in the winter, and coming in for mrs. goldsmith's home-cooked meals
around the big round table in the kitchen.
it felt good to come here after reconnecting with high school friends today.
it felt good to be back in charles county, on country roads, winding past farm fields,
leading down to the river.
time moves quickly.
it changes everything.
it's not new to me...but today reminded me that we only have a short time to rock this life.

so get to it.

i want to be seven, too.

mama, do you want to play bear-ninja-cowboy?
it's just like rock-paper-scissors...

countdown

it's nice to have
each day begin with a little sweetness.
not a bad way to count down the arrival of
the man-in-red.
25 days to reflect on the year,
loving up on family
and friends.

the tree.
the decorations.
the baking.
the hope for good sledding conditions...pleasepleaseplease.

glitter and snowglobes.
egg nog and hot cocoa.
rosy cheeks, mittens, and singing carols.

deep in my heart,
i am grateful that i have my boy to hold.
grateful for this community of friends that we have.

this world can be a crazy, sad, unsafe, unfair, unequal place.
it is daunting.
overwhelming.
unbearable to listen and watch...to be aware of the truth.
and we have so much work to do, people.

take care of each other.
no, really.
take. care. of. each. other.
reach out and do good.
be good. to one another.

love deeply.
love hard.
open up the dialogue.
look at people and speak of love and concern.

and don't take a single second for granted.

heavy energy

we all die.
i know that.
how it's going to go down?
that is the mystery.
that is the freak out.

when the mama of two wee ones
suddenly dies, the world comes to a halt.
nothing else seems more important than
our babies.
our friends.
our loves.

the strength to move on and live...
really live, takes courage.
it takes an open heart and the ability to
ignore the disheslaundryunmadebeds and
focus on snugglingplayingsinginglaughing instead.

what if this were your last day?
without dwelling on the inevitable end,
can you say that your heart is full? i mean, reallyreally full?

i rush the chop through the door in the morning,
comeoncomeoncomeoncomeon
we're going to be late for school!
and honestly, when i think about it,
i would rather be a few minutes late
and take our time walking up the hill towards the school.
deep breaths. remember what is important in this short life.
stopping to say hello to a neighbor,
connections of the heart. absorb the goodness.
or ponder the new mural on the corner of barclay and federal.
you never know what each day will bring.

i want to freeze time.
rewind time.
go back and tell people how much i admire them
and am grateful for them
before it's too late.

lesson learned here, again, dearest beth.
i will miss your spirit and light.



my horoscope today:

Your persistent search for the truth may uncover 
important realizations that change your day for the better. 
But it's not easy to find an uplifting story 
in the midst of heavy energy today. 
You're sorting out your emotions now and could 
learn an important lesson along the way. 
You haven't chosen an easy journey, 
but exploring beneath the surface alters your perspective 
and gives you a brand new lease on life. 
Thankfully, your courageous heart knows no bounds.

again

the long drive is over.
car unpacked.
bedrooms selected.
flip flops on and you're  running.
running because this is what you have been waiting for.

this.

when you finally get to this point, you know the healing will begin.
the waves remove the worry and the stress with each crash.
the ocean is the starting point.
again.

the wait

it happens every year.
we are teased by the warm weather
and the last traces of snow in shady crevices.
we run fast and feel the breath of spring
on these sunny, breezy days.
shedding our jackets,
and letting the air touch our skin seems like magic.
longer days promise more time for bike riding,
ball playing, playground meet ups, and meals eaten on blankets.

welcome spring.
we have been waiting for you.

don't stop

if you imagine less, less will be what you undoubtedly deserve.
do what you love, and don't stop until you get what you love.
work as hard as you can, imagine immensities,
don't compromise,
and don't waste time.
start now.
not 20 years from now,
not two weeks from now.
now.

- debbie millman

(thank you, vanessa, for sharing this lovely quote with me. xo)

heal

this yuck that has attacked my immune system?
it's goin' down.
i don't have time for this.

for the next 30 days, this mama, and the chop,
does not have health insurance.
(prayers for health appreciated.)

19 more days of living on the edge, people.
ten plus nine more days of wrapping the boy in bubble-wrap
from head to toe and making sure his mouth guard is in place.
a little more than half a month for the state to believe that, in fact, 
trader joe's is really not covering me anymore.

so sure, i'll drink to my health.
filtered water only, please.
and could you pass me an apple?

  
to see my 2014 one-a-day project unfold, click here.
to see photos from the other fabulous people who are taking the journey with me,
click here.