the bloggingeveryday idea kicked my arse.
big time.
i did make pretty good attempt over
at my photo blog,
but. just. couldn't.
drink enough coffee
or scrape enough time from the clock
to see it through.
this world is breaking my heart.
and baltimore is stomping on what remains.
so i am going to try and spend the rest of this year
looking for the good.
really looking.
tearing through the awful and
shaking it until the
glitter falls out.
boys. movies. kids. jobs. plans. dreams. weather. love. burlesque. desserts.
sex. food. loathing of fake plants. parenting. schools. tantrums. cameras.
*insert anythingandeverything here*
#nablomo day 2.
this mama-gig, it is not for the weak.
so this new path...
it has to work out.
i need this door to stay open.
i am pretty scrappy.
it takes a lotlotlot to hold me down.
so...just wait. it's about to get real...
the first day of november: #nablopomo .
andrea's post reminded me that it is that time of year
to challenge the writer within and publish a post every day.
every single day for the 11th month of the year.
30 days of words.
here.
my legs were shaking as i stood up in the dinghy.
i put my clunky boot on the metal support bar of the wind vane,
grasped the rail tightly, and
pulled myself up and over
the rigging and down into the cockpit.
i carefully climbed up and walked along the side toward the bow,
holding onto nothing.
i still have my sea legs.
i secured my footing and balanced on the deck.
lifting my gaze, i was taken by
the reflection of the shoreline.
i smiled and felt the cold, damp air on my face.
the stillness of the night and the
dark, arms of the trees illustrated the
ache i have felt in my heart as of late.
the glass-like water moved with nereid,
allowing her to slightly rock in the water.
movement: not good for taking photos in the dark.
i lifted my camera, took a deep breath
and held it in.
*click*
it wasn't what i expected.
it isn't the capture i had intended.
i think it is even better.
the end of a year.
the beginning of another.
this night, this cove. the gentle rocking of the boat.
this deep friendship that picks up where we always leave off.
all fueling my heart's meditation to be open to the surprises
and challenges that await.
the most magical day of december: christmas eve.
you can feel it in the air;
feel it in your energy;
in your heart.
it's not about the presents.
it's about people.
it's about the love.
near and far.
merry christmas.
all morning we snuggled in the big, green chair
at camp nitza while we watched shows and read a few books.
we drew pictures and played with legos.
we ate popcorn and drank warm almond milk.
with swords and capes, we conquered a few bad guys before
i said, "i need to take a shower and get ready for dinner."
(i was meeting friends downtown.)
but mama, i want to play candyland.
i promised we could play one round after i showered.
after i rinsed the shampoo from my hair…this:
mama, i will move your guy around the board and take your turns for you.
he really is so stinking cute.
and i soak in these moments because i know
that too soon
he will not want to spend so much time with me.
#naphopomo day 30.
"what if you wake up at 60 and realize that you forgot to wake up?" - anne lamott
a good friend of mine once said, "realize your dreams.
and then chase those f@*#ers down."
and that is just what i am going to do.
i am gearing up for the new year.
going to start early.
it is time to stop spinning wheels and
live with purpose.
it is time to make things happen.
#naphopomo day 29.
i work in retail and have at least 100 conversations a day with total strangers.
when i go home, i am exhausted.
people can be really thoughtless.
i try to remember that we
all have our stuff.
everyone has something going on
in their head,
in their heart…
it is hard sometimes to take deep breaths
and let it go.
i ran the charm city turkey trot today.
while running, i chatted about this with my friend, john.
he told me his outlook on people who frustrate him.
whether you believe in god, or buddha, or all the good-energy in the world, this applies:
those people? they are the stewards of god. they are put here to test us. test our patience and to remind us that we need to care about and be good to one another.
i like that.
i am going to work very hard to remember that.
happy thanksgiving.
#naphopomo day 28.
will you
won't you,
be the one i'll always know.
when i'm losing my control, the city spins around
you're the only one who knows,
you slow it down.
-the fray "look after you"
#naphopomo day 27
fortieth birthday celebration.
turkey harvesting.
egg collecting.
hair infused with campfire smell (one of my favorites things ever).
sailor jerry rum.
and cousins.
mix it all up and create a shindig on the best little farm near the mason dixon line.
(fyi: fun does run in my family…)
#naphopomo day 24
it's all happening.
the good stuff.
and the hard stuff.
my feet are on the ground and i am ready.
bring it.
#naphopomo day 23.
in my inbox today, a timely email from "a little bird told me":
Dear Beautiful Girl,
That thing that's been lingering on your mind, burning in your heart...that scary beautiful thing that you can't get out of your whole soul because it wants to be heard and acted upon........guess what lovely? It's not going to go away.
It's not going to go away because it's the deepest wisdom and authenticity of you trying to get you on exactly the right track. It is your truth.
What would a leap of faith look like? What is it that is holding you back? Would it be so bad just to take that first step? Would it be so bad to stop and really honor yourself and at least listen to that longing?
This is where your choices will make every difference in the world. This is where the fork in the road just might lead to the place you've been praying to be.
Get quiet, dear friend.......listen closely....then be brave when you know exactly what to do next but can't quite get the courage to do it. Be brave and go for it, then do it again. Live THAT ONE PRECIOUS LIFE OF YOURS....really really live it.
It is time.
You are so very beloved.
xoxo
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life? - Mary Oliver
#naphopomo day 17.
cousins. first, second, and third.
gathered on the farm.
where tales are told, secrets and dreams are shared, and memories are made.
where you feel safe. and loved.
no matter what.
#naphopomo day 16
to keep it simple.
to quiet my head.
to keep my heart from becoming numb.
i find it necessary to focus.
focus hard.
reeling a bit this week.
my camera, my boy, and the
search for even the tiniest bit of goodness
have kept me sane.
looking for signs. everywhere.
they are right in front of me.
my art.
my boy. (who is READING!)
finding the good.
#naphopomo day 15.
the chop: playing "restaurant"with his toy kitchen.
the puppy: snuggled up on her princess bed.
pizza: baking in the oven.
bourbon: in my favorite painted glass.
old crow medicine show: doing their thing.
this.
