half hour increments

me. in the car this morning
getting ready to start my first day as a liscensed agent.
15 degrees. dead battery.
bummed a ride.
a few hours later...
dropped 40 sandwiches in the street.
had to uber to do after-school pick up and walk home in
ten-degree weather with said picked-up small person who
walksslowerthanmolasses.
then realized i left my house keys in the car that is at the mechanic.
along with my wallet.
and brain.

thanks to my bestie for saving me
with dinner and beer
and for loving me and my boy.
surprisingly i kept it together (no freakout)
with deep breaths (now. here. this.)
i impressed myself and the chop.
30 minutes at at time.
i made it through 28 half-hour increments.

onward.
in deed.

goodbye kiss

mama, i want to put my oscar hat on so i'll have braids, too.

that's sweet, baby. that will make a good picture.

i love you, mama.

and i love you.

*pause.*

you know, it's ok if you don't want to kiss me goodbye
when i take you to school.
i know it's because you don't want the older kids to think
you're a baby.

that's not true.

*picking him up to stage the shot.*

ok. it is true. 

*click*



"and in the end,
we were all just humans...
drunk on the idea that love,
only love,
could heal our brokenness."
-f. scott fitzgerald

keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

heal

this yuck that has attacked my immune system?
it's goin' down.
i don't have time for this.

for the next 30 days, this mama, and the chop,
does not have health insurance.
(prayers for health appreciated.)

19 more days of living on the edge, people.
ten plus nine more days of wrapping the boy in bubble-wrap
from head to toe and making sure his mouth guard is in place.
a little more than half a month for the state to believe that, in fact, 
trader joe's is really not covering me anymore.

so sure, i'll drink to my health.
filtered water only, please.
and could you pass me an apple?

  
to see my 2014 one-a-day project unfold, click here.
to see photos from the other fabulous people who are taking the journey with me,
click here.

when all else fails

go outside.
there are heartcrushingdays.
there are lifeistooshort days.
there are idon'twanttogetoutofbed days.
justsnugglewiththechopforfivemoreminutes days.
go outside.
lace up your shoes.
and run.
let the cold november air cleanse the self-doubt,
lift it into the trees.
go outside.
because you got this.
you've got this amazing life.

stomp around.
feel your feet on this earth.
make some noise.
go outside.

spc: half birthday

halfway to one.
at the risk of sounding cliche':
where has the time gone?

the days have drifted by with
endless snuggling,
amazement,
celebrations,
drool,
giggling,
worry and questioning,
reading and researching,
nibbling,
cradling,
and rocking.

my heart has opened further than i ever thought possible.
i am forced to let go of the box
and see this planet through brand new eyes.
everything new.
everyday a different perspective.

i have feared the worst more than i ever thought possible, too.
feeling very much like a mama lion...
i will rip your limbs off with my teeth if you come near my child...

you always think you know.
you know what it'll be like.
but you don't.
nothing can prepare you for this crazy, wonderful trip.

happy half-birthday, dear boy-shortie.
your papa and mama love you so much.



check out what others are celebrating here.

spc: what i wear

security for when he is waking up and feeling fragile.
snuggle time.
melt-down remedy.
sightseeing.
grocery shopping.
but mostly because i don't want to put him down...

i wear my baby.

check out what other folks are wearing.

when my baby goes to memphis

we just got back from our first plane trip.
liam, oma and i went to memphis.

while in the land where people find their inner-elvis,
we discovered our toes,
ate amazing barbecue,
and ventured out to see the civil rights museum.

the best part was seeing aunt peggy.
liam's great-aunt.
my father's older sister.

more later.
mr. travelpants, his papa, and i are
going to get in some snuggletime.

spc: patterns

this month's spc challenge is about exporing pattens.
when i think of patterns, the teacher in me
automatically thinks: numbers.
this leads me to time measurement.
liam was eating every three hours at first.
then every two hours.
now it is between one and two hours.
all day.
all night.
the pattern of nourishment.
the pattern of his breathing as he
gulps and grunts happily.
the repeated expression each time he falls off my breast:
eyebrows raised, arms stretched high, milky face content and happy.



click here to see others' pattern interpretations.

spc: going, going...

i went in yesterday to make
sure the new teacher
felt comfortable with
the routine of the shorties' day.
she had written a beautiful
morning messsage in
bright, welcoming colors.
she conducted the
morning circle with ease.

i quietly packed up
my pictures and
notes from five years
of shortie-love.
i put the piggy-bank
that the shorties started
to fill for our son's
college tuition in my bag,
gathered all of the cute
baby clothes and blankets
that the parents brought me,
and closed the door behind me.

my girls from last year caught me
at the front door as they were leaving the gym.
tears.
"don't leave us."
"don't go."
making me feel very loved yet
also like the biggest jerk ever
as we stood there with our
arms around each other.

i left this place of
learning and laughter,
celebration and collaboration,
that i have seen each morning for five years.
i left behind the last six weeks of school
and drove home to my new life.

as lou reed sings,
"this is the beginning of a
great adventure..."



this month's self portrait challenge
is to reveal your environment.

spc: waiting

lazily floating on the river all day,
snacking endlessly on
fresh local strawberries,
peanut-butter cookies,
and grapefruit spritzers
(substituting for beer this year).

this is how i start the
wait for summer,
camping with my peeps in
a huge open meadow on
the rappahanock river in
tappahanock, virginia.

good conversation.
good food.
amazing friends,
old and new.

to date, our son has cooked for
33 weeks in my belly.
4 more weeks to go before
the official wait-for-arrival begins.

this summer will bring on a
celebration of life and family.

this month's self portrait challenge
is to show what is special to you in your environment.
to show how you are celebrating the new season in your part of the world.

join in on the fun and check out
other spc-ers in their surroundings here.

(photo credit for capturing my gorgeous belly
goes to kimmy over at shimmer glimpse)

spc: urban playground

jack plays baseball out here with his mom and dad.
one day, the triplets will play out here, too.
they'll shout up to our kitchen window to see if
our boy can come down and play but
he'll already be halfway there.

cousins will come over and they will
scream and shout as they
throw water balloons and
draw with sidewalk chalk.

alleys are the place to be in the city.
a place to hang and catch up with the
neighbors as your kid practices
on his new training wheels
racing the others to the
next lamp post.

we dream and hope and
nest and build and fall in love
over and over every day.
life is good.
crazy good.

the self portrait challenge this month
is to capture yourself somehow, somewhere on the street.
check out more street shots here at the
self portrait challenge site.

spc: 23 weeks, 4 days

our boy-shortie is on the move.
he kicks and taps and dances
to let me know that he is there.
growing.
getting strong.
becoming the child that we have waited so long for.

i can't wait to hold him in my arms and
spend the day amazed at how much i love him.
but until then,
i will hold him here
in my belly
and spend the day
amazed at how much i love him
already.

check out other body parts here at the
self portrait challenge site.

spc: hung up

this weeks self-portrait shows
how i have been feeling:
on display.

testing, and the preparation to get there,
stresses a teacher out.
our test scores are published
in the local paper and
available on the internet for all to see
and compared to other state schools.
these numbers threaten the future of our school;
threaten my career.

my school only has one third grade class.
my shorties' scores are not combined
with any other class.
we are solo.
we are on our own.

however, our scores don't show
how well my children can write haikus
and work out a math problem with a partner.
the test doesn't measure how late a child had
to stay up to take care of a very sick grandmother/guardian.
they don't care if a cousin or father or mother
was shot as they walked to their car the day before.
the numbers don't show the fatigue of a child
who has no bedtime, or no bed for that matter.

the shorties are timed, stressed out and under pressure.
i don't know about you,
but when i am under pressure and have a deadline
i talk to my friends and colleagues to help me.
i bounce ideas off of others so that i can
think clearly and rationally.

state testing need to be re-thought.
education, as an institution, needs to remember
that it is about the children,
period,
instead of always trying to make the grownups look good.

shame on the tall-ees.


for this weeks online-enhancement, i used the cool dumpr site.
check out more groovy mugs here at the
self portrait challenge site.

spc: kickin' up a storm

it happens at night when
i am trying to fall asleep
and i can't stop
giggling.
i can feel bumping
and light tap-a-tap-tapping
on my hip bone.

i wake up in the morning
and am shocked at the
size and roundness of my belly
as i walk past the mirror.

22 weeks pregnant.
and i am loving every
moment of it.

for this weeks self-portrait challenge, i used a combination of
scribbler and captioner by flickr toyz.
check out more online enhanced self-portraits here at the
self portrait challenge site.

boy oh boy!

mmm hmmm.
yup.
we're having a boy!

i squinted and looked at the screen
where the technician was pointing
and saw "it".
(i dare not say scrotum or else
my blog may be banned across the country)

so, through bites of my tri-hourly snacks,
my quest to find the coolest cowboy boots
in little cutie-pahtootie sizes begins.

i am submitting this self-portrait for this month's self-portrait challenge.
my cheeks are full of juicy plum as i try to get
my daily amount of good nutrition.
surf through more online enhanced self-portraits here at the
self portrait challenge site.

black and white spc: seventeen weeks

"everything is exactly as it should be
at this time of your pregnancy,"
my midwife stated yesterday
as she measured
my growing middle
and found my uterus
two fingers under
my bellybutton.

the heartbeat was music to my ears
as i held my breath so i could catch
each miraculous second of the sound.

this week, we are developing fingerprints
and handprints and tiny, sweet feetprints
as the amniotic fluid swirls around
each tiny part.

thrilled.
overwhelmed.
in love.
round.


check out more black and white self-portraits here at the
self portrait challenge site.

b/w spc: one twig at a time

pair by platform-strappy-high-heel pair
i packed them into their boxes
as i said goodbye until
next year.

we are nesting.
getting ready for
wall smashing
and drywall cutting.

occasionally, i stop to
rub my beautiful, round belly
as i pack away all of
the clothing that my
growing pregnant arse cannot fit into
until after our
sweet angel
is in our arms
and my jogging stroller
is assembled.



check out more black and white portraits here at the
self portrait challenge site.

voting glam

on this election day
(and deadline for
this week's self portrait challenge)
i am proud of the women
who fought so hard
to earn all women everywhere
the right to vote.

the following is an excerpt that was sent
in an email from one of the strongest women i know:

"The women were innocent and defenseless. And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of "obstructing sidewalk traffic."
They beat Lucy Burn, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air. They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.
Thus unfolded the Night of Terror on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote.
For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms. When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.
So, refresh my memory. Some women won't vote this year because--why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?"

i voted today.
and as i walked to the polls,
i smiled, knowingly, at each
woman that i passed.
and each woman smiled back.

check out other shots o' glamour here.

spc: matching voices with faces

creative mama from seattle.
married to jon.
mother of jaylie, jayden and journey.

joy and i met about a year ago.
we have commented on each other's photographs,
read one another's blogs
and emailed about teaching philosophy.
she and her husband are crazytalented picture-takers.
they are amazing parents to three of the
most beautiful children i have ever seen.
aaaand i got to meet them for the first time,
in person,
last night!
(thank you mr. and mrs. madison
for including me in your baltimore itinerary!)


check out more people with people here.