5 month old babychop
today was a
stay-in-our-jammies-all-day
kind of day.
it was a lovely day of
people spontaneously taking me up on my past offers of
"just come by and visit anytime!"
such a lazy but busy day.
no photos taken
what!!!???
so i am sharing some old-goodies.
goodnight.
sleep tight.
10 month babychop
this pretty much sums up
the condition of my brain after
a very full, lovely day today.
i am so exhausted, i can barely type.
going to go curl up with my boys and zzzzzzzzzzzzz...
it will still be the best five dollars i ever spent.
photos are of liam and his brother-from-another-mother, izzy.
to see them individually, click on the mosaic.
sometimes, when i hear the news,
or read the paper,
or hear how mean people
can be to one another, i wonder
what kind of world we have brought our boy into.
i see how things have changed in my lifetime
and can only imagine what this world will be like
when he is my age.
nothing too profound, my thinking.
we all speculate about the future.
and how effed up it could be
if we don't get our act together.
peace.
it's a sweet idea(listic).
but if we don't strive towards it,
all the money and things the
greedy accumulate won't mean much.
peace.
i hope that our babies have a bright future
and that they'll make a difference.
i can't help but feel that my boy is going to do just that.
white bean and sausage soup with thyme and rosemary
recipe slightly adapted from bon appetit. february 2006 issue.
WHAT YOU NEED:
1 pound dried cannellini beans (generous 2 cups)
8 cups water
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
8 garlic cloves; 1 smashed, 7 chopped
1 large fresh rosemary sprig
1 bay leaf
1 large onion, coarsely chopped (about 2 cups)
1 large carrot, coarsely chopped (about 1 cup)
1 large celery stalk, coarsely chopped (about 3/4 cup)
2 1/2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh thyme, divided
4 cups (or more) low-salt chicken broth
1 pound fresh chorizo link sausages, or spicy italian sausage, casings removed (i personally like using the italian sausage better.)
1/4 cup whipping cream
WHAT YOU DO:
*Place beans in heavy large saucepan. Add enough water to pan to cover beans by 4 inches. Let beans soak overnight at room temperature.
*Drain and rinse beans; return to same saucepan. Add 8 cups water, 1 tablespoon oil, smashed garlic clove, rosemary, and bay leaf. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, partially cover, and simmer until beans are just tender, 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Season to taste with salt. DO AHEAD Can be prepared 2 days ahead. Cool slightly, cover, and chill.
*Drain beans, reserving 2 cups of the cooking liquid. Discard rosemary sprig and bay leaf.
*Heat remaining 2 tablespoons oil in heavy large pot over medium heat. Add onion, carrot, and celery. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Sauté until vegetables are beginning to soften, about 10 minutes. Add chopped garlic and 1 teaspoon thyme; sauté 2 minutes.
*Add 2 cups reserved bean cooking liquid, 4 cups chicken broth, and beans. Bring to boil; reduce heat to medium and simmer uncovered until vegetables are tender, about 25 minutes.
*Cool soup 10 minutes.
*Meanwhile, sauté chorizo in heavy large skillet over medium-high heat until cooked through, breaking up lumps with back of spoon, about 5 minutes. Transfer chorizo to paper towels to drain.
*Using slotted spoon, remove 1 1/2 cups bean mixture from soup; reserve. Working in batches, puree remaining soup in blender until smooth. Return puree to pot.
OR
Use an immersion blender and puree the soup right in the pot. (highly recommended kitchen gadget!!!)
*Stir in reserved whole-bean mixture, remaining 1 1/2 teaspoons thyme, chorizo, and cream.
note: i like to make this at least one or two days before i am going to serve it to let the flavors blend.
to make it VEGETARIAN, use vegetable stock and gimme lean sausage style tofu in place of the chicken broth and sausage. yummers!
with the help of lovely denise, i was the winner of this sweet treasure!
unless they are mean, girls stick together.
that is an unwritten law.
we have each others back.
period.
the internet proves this.
women i've never met have come out
of what-seems-like-nowhere
to encourage me, cheer me on, and leave friendly advice
on my blog.
women from around the country wrote letters to baltimore city
to help save my school from closing.
other women shared their stories about infertility
with me and gave me hope
when paul and i were trying so desperately to conceive.
they wrapped their words around me
and gave me strength when it came time
to leave my shorties so that i could
welcome my own shortie into the world.
we share our excitement and fear.
we put it all out there, our hearts bare.
and we have each others back.
i love my world-wide-tribe.
(check out my sidebar to find links to their blogs)
necklace made by christine miller and stacy de la rosa . find stacy at bellawish!
the short days have been a sobering reminder of the winter ahead.
cramming as much activity as possible
into the morning has been crucial since
it is almost dark when naptime is over.
mornings are our only chance
for zoo trips,
playground romping,
leaf collecting,
and visiting friends.
then we lunch,
nap,
and wake to a darkening sky.
on the bright side?
it makes for some good shadow fun.
hear the single from the new album here.
exclusive video from babychop!
seriously, folks,
it doesn't get much better than this.
some days, i think my heart is going to explode.
late dinner,
late getting jammies on.
late to bed.
wait! what about nablopomo!?
*so a picture is going to hafta' do for today
'cause mama's going back to sleep.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
sarah and campbell. september 6. baltimore museum of industry.
after hours of selecting the
best captures and
individually detailing
each photo,
i know i've done my job when there are tears
at the final showing.
we met.
they loved them.
and tears fell.
good tears.
the kind that mean your heart is full
and life is good.
hers: during the slideshow.
mine: in the car on the way home.
sigh of relief.
rows of pots filled with hot soup,
homemade desserts,
bottles of beer and wine filled the tables.
there were babies, children, grownups, and critters
milling around, waiting for the judges to have the first taste.
butternut/peanut butter,
beef stew,
apple curry,
thai chicken coconut,
spicy-pumpkin-ground-nut goodness,
black bean/sweet potato,
and, of course, my creamy white bean and chorizo soup
were just a few of the entries in this years
soup cook-off in
my neighborhood.
"painted ladies" charles village, baltimore.
nights like these,
make me realize how much i really love
baltimore.
taste:
the chorizo, white bean soup that i made for our
neighborhood soup competition that is tomorrow night.
touch:
my new short hair and how strange it feels where it used to be long.
hear:
liam's nose whistling as he breathes in his sleep, next to me.
see:
progress being made on the thousands (oh dear lord, yes, i said thousands)
of wedding photos i am editing.
smell: nag champa burning downstairs.
have a great weekend everyone!
"you can show love in different ways"
thoughtful words written by my niece, zoe.
she has a point.
i am going to hold onto this inspiration,
and repeat it often
as we approach this holiday season.
love for your family.
love for your children.
love for your partner.
love for your friends and neighbors.
love for this universe.
share some ways that you show love.
for a while now, i have tried to think of what to do
with the title of my blog.
originally, i started posting stories about my students
as an outlet for me to brag about their greatness.
i could sleep well at night, imagining that everyone was reading
about my kidlets and i didn't have to tell the stories over and over and over.
typing it all out saved my friends and family from
having me talking their ears off in real life.
blogging allowed me to paint a picture of my teaching-life and spotlight
my students who were, and always will be, my heart.
i wrote about the small moments and illustrated them with photos.
in putting it all here, my goal was to show my readers what
real love is all about.
these days, i am not teaching in the classroom.
my time is now filled with caring for
my sweet babychop and his two friends.
they don't call me "ms. kathleen" like my shorties did.
they call me "mama".
so.
do i change the name?
do i stay here?
(i am kind of attached.)
move to another page?
(i have had this blog for almost 5 years!)
what to do...what to do.
it never fails.
my heart pounds and i break out
in a cold sweat,
hands shaking,
stomach churning.
each time i approach a stranger and ask,
"may i please take a photograph of you?"
i want to run away, throwing an apology over my shoulder.
i want to say, "nevermind! i didn't mean it.
i am a dork and can't believe i even thought you would speak to me."
i want to rewind the moment and pretend it never happened.
may 2008. santa croce, venice.
we had just arrived.
he served us our drinks at the bar across from our hotel.
as i observed him talking at the tables around us,
i was drawn to his animated face and raspy voice.
i took in the gondolas, ancient buildings, and people of venice
trying to ignore the little voice that pushed me.
go on. ask him!
with the extra courage i acquired from my beer, i finally asked.
i waited.
i cringed.
i waited some more.
hours went by.
he turned and told the other patrons what i wanted to do.
they all laughed.
i cringed again.
you want to take HIS photo? (they were all locals and knew him).
so he looked at me, smiled, and said, "you want 'orror? 'ere it is".
my heart started beating again as the shutter clicked.
i heart this portrait.
have i mentioned that all i want to do is bake?
something about this time of year makes me want
to use the oven.
muffins.
cookies.
apple cobbler.
all of it!
roasted vegetables.
chicken.
bubbly, cheesy, macaroni and cheese.
bring it on!
lucky, too, that autumn is so beautiful.
because after i eat any of the above,
i need to get out in it and e-x-e-r-c-i-s-e!
what is your favorite part of fall?
i've been really taking a good, hard look at myself lately.
in a life-goes-by-really-fast,
am-i-being-true-to-myself,
i-want-to-make-a-difference,
be-happy,
and live-a-long-healthy-life-so-i-can-see-my-grandchildren
kind of look.
that is a lot of lookin'.
oh!
that's right!
i have halloween candy
in that cup where we keep the snacks!
mama...
okayokayokay!
i caved.
i shouldn't have even brought it into the house.
should've left it at oma's when we were done trick-or-treating.
i thought i could be strong.
silly, silly, girl.
you know that you are no match
up against ms. mini hershey, her cousin kit kat and her sidekick tootsie roll.
jeesh.
when the heck did this happen?
i feel like i stop.
i mean really STOP.
i am still.
i am present.
but i can't help but notice
how quickly everything is going.
i try not to think about
my ever-growing to-do list
when he wants all of my attention.
i try to remember that he is only
this
little
once.
new words come bubbling out of his mouth
as he climbs and pulls himself up, past the beginner slide,
to the highest slide at the playground.
my heart breaks wide open
as he screams with delight,
sliding down into his papa's open arms
before doing it again and again.
i want this sweetness to last.
i want his little-boy-goodness
to stretch into childhood,
through his teen years and
into adulthood.
no matter how still i am.
no matter how present i can be.
only time will tell.
and it's speeding by.
drink stirrers TtV.
perfect for stirring
margaritas,
rum runners,
and the perfect old fashioned.
also perfect for banging,
teething,
fishing small things out from tight places,
and tormenting the cat.
my oh my how things change once
children come into the picture.
doesn't everyone remember the joy from
peeling the sticker from their banana
and pressing it firmly
to the middle of their forehead?
it makes me laugh to think of how
people would react if i did that now.
i imagine going to the bank,
stopping by a coffee bar for a cuppa,
meeting a friend for lunch,
or buying groceries with
a bright blue circle between my eyes.
hee.
i don't know if i could be that brave now.
what about you?
sometimes we stare at the empty canvas in front of us,
trying to visualize what belongs there.
we turn it to view all angles.
we focus. we take deep breaths.
we try to pull the inside of our hearts up
to the surface,
to express the whateveritis that we are feeling,
or want to shout about, because if we don't
we'll burst.
i have a full box of many colors
to splash anywhere i wish.
i can feel the images.
*my classroom, full of those sweet faces that i miss so much.
*teaching with other parents who homeschool.
*taking my photography to the next level and staying home with babychop for a few more years.
i feel like my third graders,
staring at the space-to-be-filled.
not wanting to make a mistake.
i know that i should take liam's lead
and just do what feels good.
figuring out this whole "free-candy-dealio"
seriously?
everyday?
for a month?
you have only written eleven times this year.
what are you thinking?
i need to get back in the saddle.
when will you sleep?
when the baby sleeps, i'll sleep, right?
oh wait. he's sleeping now...
what about your clients? and your new business?
well..er...i...um. i'll make my entries short and sweet.
it's only a month,
right andrea?
so, i'll see you again tomorrow.
right here.
no. really.
i miss you.
i missed you even before you were gone, really.
it seems like you just unpacked your suitcases
a few days ago...and now, you're gone.
packed again.
gone.
again.
i don't want you to think i didn't enjoy our time together.
or that i am ungrateful.
i don't want to be too clingy and make you
afraid to come back.
it's just that we have so much fun when we hang out...
and i hate goodbyes.
today, in honor of remembering you,
we wore short sleeves and caught earthworms
with our fingers.
we swung in the tire-swing in jessie's backyard
and made loud music on cedar's banging-wall while you
hugged us one last time.
(i bet you didn't know that we were aware of
you watching us from behind the red and orange leaves).
have a good vacation.
we'll be waiting for your return.
my heart stopped as i held the scissors,
resting the blades against the thick golden curls that
i had combed so neatly and tied with ribbon.
i stopped a dozen times,
sliding the ribbon down a bit,
before i finally made
the decision to
snip.
i know every parent is in awe of
how fast time flies;
how big their sweetpea is growing;
the vocabulary and thought process of
the child who is almost too big to curl into their lap;
how much they change.
from the time we are infants
until the time we take our last breath,
we change.
as parents, we never know our children
as they are,
for long,
before they change again.
i am trying to hold on to each moment
and remember the sweetness of this
strange, wonderful journey.
but it seems like the moment
i let a
smellsighttouchsoundtaste
sink in,
it is gone.
and with it, i change, too.
best-friends'-giggles
over peach and blueberry pancakes.
surprises.
meltdowns.
swimming with oma.
popsicles for dinner (oma is a pushover).
bumble-bee shaped birthday cakette.
many last-kisses blown out of the car window
before drifting off to sleep
on the ride back to charm city.
our sweet boy will be two
in one month.
23 months ago, our world changed forever.
mornings became sweeter,
our hearts grew bigger,
being still became our new entertainment,
and we developed an intimate relationship with our washing machine.
and now,
our boy's second summer is here.
our days are filled with
strawberries and ice cream,
hanging around with cousins,
splashing and singing while
wearing as little as possible.
these days are fleeting
as we try to hold on to each second
in stillness, chaos and awe.
so much going on around here
with literally thousands of photos
and words to share.
our sweet boy is almost two.
two.
my other kids (at school)
are starting to get into the
groove-that-is-math.
they're actually talking
and sharing
and investigating
and liking it.
i am still earning my stripes...but smiling through it all.
and, of course, chocolate helps.
i have also had the honor of capturing
some serious love, people.
my external hard drive is
bursting at the seams
with weddings and engagements
and kidlets and big baby-bellies.
oh.
and liam, too.
one day
when i am not falling into bed
completely exhausted
with play-doh under my fingernails,
i am going to catch up on all
of the projects that i have let slide.
at least,
that is what i keep telling myself.
until then,
i will continue to watch
our beautiful boy grow,
and learn,
and laugh.
and someday soon...
no really.
someday i will share again.
happy spring.
stay well.
we can count on warmer days for outside coloring
and trips to the zoo.
walks to eddie's to pick up ingredients for dinner
won't leave our ears numb
and the sun will shine later.
sidewalk cafes are calling us
as the birds return, sharing their winter stories
with each other.
time to wipe off the adirondack chairs
that have been waiting through the cold months
to be used for
chatting with neighbors and
talking about how all of the
kids have grown
finally
spring is here!
each time he does this,
i am a puddle.
mush.
done.
my heart might just explode the first time he says,
"i love you, mama"
are you still a teacher?
one of my new shorties asked me
during our first gathering.
because you had a baby and left...i just wondered.
i am back.
i explained that our group would
focus on taking the extra time to wrap our brains around
how we think about numbers.
i reminded them that we each have a beautiful, thoughtful brain.
we talked about the importance of sharing our thinking,
and respectful listening.
well...my brain is made of gold.
one said as her peers giggled.
i smiled.
yes, it is, sweet girl.
yes, it is.
she lost her tooth mid-lesson. nothing has changed at my old school. lol
note: the email came from my old principal.
"i've been trying to think of a way to get you back here," it read.
the school got a grant to have someone come in and
tutor elementary-level math. it is an after-school program.
she offered me the job and i accepted!
babychop will stay home with paul for the few hours i am gone each time.
for now, it is 2-3 times a week.
perfect: i get shortie-time while liam has papa-time.
life is good. i am very grateful.
liam shows love for his bfam.
my first (blurry) movie taken with my new D90.
i sat alone, listening to npr the other day.
it was early morning and paul had taken liam downstairs to
make coffee and get the day started.
the setting: a baltimore city public elementary school.
the story: how the BSO's program, orchkids, is making a difference
in the city's low-income neighborhoods.
a small voice told the reporter that they liked playing music
"because grownups will settle down for you and not talk for you".
she liked playing because it made adults stop and listen.
the door opened and in came my sweet boys
with a hot cup of joe for me.
paul looked at me and said, "were you listening to the story on npr?"
i nodded, biting my lip.
"you miss your kids, don't you?"
tears.
unexpected and unstoppable.
this story barreled in, uninvited, and revealed
what i have been struggling with:
deep-rooted wanting-to-be-involved with the community,
but not willing to give up my time with the chopster.
wanting to get in the classroom and teach.
feeling deeply satisfied when the kids
groove out on investigating and discussing their learning,
but not willing to let go of my warm, snuggly toddler who
is learning his animal sounds and how to hold a crayon.
liam waddled over to me.
mmmmmmmmmWAH
he said as he gave me a drooly kiss.
i dismissed my tears with an embarrassed laugh.
and put it away.
knowing that it wasn't done with me.
and then i got the email.
a message that has me jumping up and down.
but you'll have to wait for details
i will say this: it is shortie-related.
and it may just save me from having to re-name my blog.
love to all of you on this so-cold-my-toes-may-just-crack-right-off-my-feet-thursday.
i hope 2009 brings
wonderful surprises,
peace,
hope,
lovelovelove,
warmth,
security,
full bellies,
health,
and wonder
to you all.
happy new year.
seriously.
happy.
new.
year.
