thursday love

liam shows love for his bfam.
my first (blurry) movie taken with my new D90.

i sat alone, listening to npr the other day.
it was early morning and paul had taken liam downstairs to
make coffee and get the day started.

the setting: a baltimore city public elementary school.
the story: how the BSO's program, orchkids, is making a difference
in the city's low-income neighborhoods.
a small voice told the reporter that they liked playing music
"because grownups will settle down for you and not talk for you".
she liked playing because it made adults stop and listen.

the door opened and in came my sweet boys
with a hot cup of joe for me.
paul looked at me and said, "were you listening to the story on npr?"
i nodded, biting my lip.
"you miss your kids, don't you?"
tears.
unexpected and unstoppable.

this story barreled in, uninvited, and revealed
what i have been struggling with:
deep-rooted wanting-to-be-involved with the community,
but not willing to give up my time with the chopster.
wanting to get in the classroom and teach.
feeling deeply satisfied when the kids
groove out on investigating and discussing their learning,
but not willing to let go of my warm, snuggly toddler who
is learning his animal sounds and how to hold a crayon.

liam waddled over to me.
mmmmmmmmmWAH
he said as he gave me a drooly kiss.
i dismissed my tears with an embarrassed laugh.
and put it away.
knowing that it wasn't done with me.

and then i got the email.
a message that has me jumping up and down.

but you'll have to wait for details

i will say this: it is shortie-related.
and it may just save me from having to re-name my blog.

love to all of you on this so-cold-my-toes-may-just-crack-right-off-my-feet-thursday.