self-portrait tuesday 2/28/06 accountability

nothing is working.

whenever i want something badly enough
i work my tail off until i achieve my goal.
only, this time, i am not
in charge.

every month
i have come to
expect the
same response:
"we are sorry.
the treatment didn't work.
call us on the first day
of your next cycle."

and i do.
and it fails.

if you had told me years ago,
during the 13 year span
that i was on the pill,
that i would be desperately
trying to
conceive,
i would have laughed
in your face.

now, as we are approaching
the second to the last
(and uninsured)
step of infertility treatments,
i am angry at myself that i waited so long.
i am pissed that my eggs are old.
i want to kick somebody's ass...but the only one
i can hold accountable, is me.