walkin' the walk

"aren't we a family?
and aren't families s'posed to
be nice to each other?"
said my most emotional shortie,
to his classmates,
after a really rough afternoon.

i keep telling them
that they are good at
talkin' the talk
but i want more walkin'.
"you are the masters of your destiny,"
i say to them slowly.

they can say the words:

"if we can take care of each other
then we can have a
peaceful classroom community."

"i know i had a bad day ms. k.,
but i promise i will never be
disrespectful to you or the class again."

now. if they can just start doing it.

my old shorties (now in 5th - 7th grades)
offer to come and talk to my current
third graders about how to be peaceful.
i am going to take them up on it.
because, for some reason
this class just isn't getting it.

i am exhausted after the first hour of the day.
i try to stay positive.
i light candles and play the sounds of the ocean.
i write my morning message,
filling my heart with hope that maybe,
just maybe,
today will be different.
and then, i pick them up downstairs.

i am greeted with:
"she said that i look ugly today!"
"yeah...well she told everyone my mother used to
beat me when i was in kindergarten."
"shane is crying because walter was teasing
him about having no lunch money and now
shane has to eat peanut butter and jelly."
"lynette kicked me. yes. she meant it!"

when i get to the room, i fill out
two referrals to the office,
one nurse slip,
and give shane money for lunch.

taking a deep breath,
my hope is gone.
this is every morning in my classroom.
and i just can't shake it.

what is wrong?
where is the comraderie?
have i lost my touch?
will they ever understand that
peacefulness will get them everywhere?

sigh.
tomorrow starts a new week.
hopehopehopehopehope.

we are the masters of our destiny.


(baby brown, one of my old shorties, visiting me after school)