every little bit

all morning we snuggled in the big, green chair
at camp nitza while we watched shows and read a few books.
we drew pictures and played with legos.
we ate popcorn and drank warm almond milk.
with swords and capes, we conquered a few bad guys before
i said, "i need to take a shower and get ready for dinner."
(i was meeting friends downtown.)

but mama, i want to play candyland.

i promised we could play one round after i showered.

after i rinsed the shampoo from my hair…this:

mama, i will move your guy around the board and take your turns for you.



he really is so stinking cute.
and i soak in these moments because i know
that too soon
he will not want to spend so much time with me.


#naphopomo day 30.

time

"what if you wake up at 60 and realize that you forgot to wake up?" - anne lamott


a good friend of mine once said, "realize your dreams.
and then chase those f@*#ers down."
and that is just what i am going to do.
i am gearing up for the new year.
going to start early.
it is time to stop spinning wheels and
live with purpose.

it is time to make things happen.


#naphopomo day 29.

if you don't have anything nice to say

i work in retail and have at least 100 conversations a day with total strangers.
when i go home, i am exhausted.

people can be really thoughtless.
i try to remember that we
all have our stuff.
everyone has something going on
in their head,
in their heart…
it is hard sometimes to take deep breaths
and let it go.

i ran the charm city turkey trot today.
while running, i chatted about this with my friend, john.
he told me his outlook on people who frustrate him.

whether you believe in god, or buddha, or all the good-energy in the world, this applies:
those people? they are the stewards of god. they are put here to test us. test our patience and to remind us that we need to care about and be good to one another.

i like that.
i am going to work very hard to remember that.

happy thanksgiving.



#naphopomo day 28.

home

will you
won't you,
be the one i'll always know.
when i'm losing my control, the city spins around
you're the only one who knows,
you slow it down.
-the fray "look after you"


#naphopomo day 27

hippies use the side door

fortieth birthday celebration.
turkey harvesting.
egg collecting.
hair infused with campfire smell (one of my favorites things ever).
sailor jerry rum.
and cousins.

mix it all up and create a shindig on the best little farm near the mason dixon line.
(fyi: fun does run in my family…)



















#naphopomo day 24

ask me again

it's all happening.
the good stuff.
and the hard stuff.
my feet are on the ground and i am ready.
bring it.

#naphopomo day 23.

mornings

piles of picture books.
the chop.
and a farty dog.
add to that,
a french press full of coffee,
my favorite mug from angel fire,
and pajamas worn
late into the afternoon.


i am looking forward to this weekend.

#naphopomo day 22.

forward

artists and their work.
inspiring conversation.
(the kind that makes you set goals.)
(the kind of goals that make you simultaneously nervous and giddy.)

brisk night air filled with the smokey goodness of
a big-ass fire pit.
whiskey smash and government mules in copper cups.
new friends and old.
laughing as the glow from the fire takes snapshots
of a perfect evening.




#naphopomo day 21.

determined

#naphopomo day 19.

one day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice.
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"mend my life!"
each voice cried.
but you didn't stop.
you knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
it was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
but little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do.
determined to save
the only life you could save.

 "the journey" by mary oliver

needed.

in my inbox today, a timely email from "a little bird told me":

Dear Beautiful Girl,

That thing that's been lingering on your mind, burning in your heart...that scary beautiful thing that you can't get out of your whole soul because it wants to be heard and acted upon........guess what lovely? It's not going to go away.

It's not going to go away because it's the deepest wisdom and authenticity of you trying to get you on exactly the right track. It is your truth.

What would a leap of faith look like? What is it that is holding you back? Would it be so bad just to take that first step? Would it be so bad to stop and really honor yourself and at least listen to that longing?

This is where your choices will make every difference in the world. This is where the fork in the road just might lead to the place you've been praying to be.

Get quiet, dear friend.......listen closely....then be brave when you know exactly what to do next but can't quite get the courage to do it. Be brave and go for it, then do it again. Live THAT ONE PRECIOUS LIFE OF YOURS....really really live it.

It is time.

You are so very beloved.

xoxo

#naphopomo day 18.

wake up call

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life? - Mary Oliver



#naphopomo day 17.

the farm

cousins. first, second, and third.
gathered on the farm.
where tales are told, secrets and dreams are shared, and memories are made.
where you feel safe. and loved.
no matter what.







#naphopomo day 16

focus

to keep it simple.
to quiet my head.
to keep my heart from becoming numb.
i find it necessary to focus.
focus hard.

reeling a bit this week.
my camera, my boy, and the
search for even the tiniest bit of goodness
have kept me sane.

looking for signs. everywhere.
they are right in front of me.


my art.

my boy. (who is READING!)

finding the good.


#naphopomo day 15.

tonight

the chop: playing "restaurant"with his toy kitchen.
the puppy: snuggled up on her princess bed.
pizza: baking in the oven.
bourbon: in my favorite painted glass.
old crow medicine show: doing their thing.

this.

#naphopomo day 14.

shorthand for the good

she came around the corner of the cereal isle at trader joe's and smiled.

i had not seen her in years.

we chatted and caught up on life: love. loss. sickness. health. happiness.  grief.

she had just been to the bookstore. "i bought an extra…thinking i would give it to a friend…

someone who might need it."

perfect timing.

yesterday, in a coffee shop near the water, i cracked it open and began reading.

and then, this. 

this.

"if i use the word "god", i sure don't mean an old man in the sky who loves the occasional goat sacrifice. i mean "god" as jane kenyon described god:

'i am food on the prisoner's plate…the patient gardener of the dry and weedy garden…the stone step, the latch and the working hinge.' i mean "god" as shorthand for the good, for the animating energy of love; for life, for the light that radiates from within people and from above; in the energies of nature, even in our rough messy selves."

stitches, written by anne lamott 

i sat, in the corner, tears streaming down my face. 

because i feel that i am beginning to get it.

this life.

oh, this life.

a constant surprise.

sometimes bad, but mostly good. 

because hope makes it possible, right?

#naphopomo day 13.

i am so far from the shore

throw me no life vest

i'm not drowning 

my lungs are fine.

i am breathing for the first time

like i have so many times before.

the salt in the air is the salt in the sea 

is the salt in the earth is the salt in me

so please let this vessel go down.

i am taking on water

i am so far from the shore.

i am giving my flesh to your body

ocean open wide once more.

tell me no tall tales

im not clowning

your walls are down.

i am feeling for the first time,

my way in is my way out.

"ocean open wide" - hoots and hellmouth

#naphopomo day 12.

thank you.

thank you, veterans, for all that you have done for our country.

waiting

running through the harbor of this city of charm,
i came across these blues and golds
and gritty textures.
alone, there by the water, i reminded myself to breathe.




#naphopomo day 10.

gathering

crisp autumn night.
blankets and movies under the stars.
wee ones giggling and eating s'mores.
campfire smoke curling around us
so that the smell of our hair
tomorrow will make us smile.


#naphopomo  day 9.

boots and bourbon

i told her i was probably going to just stay in for the night.

girl, no. get dressed, said the response text from Heather.
come meet us. 

i pulled on my jeans and boots,  at 10:00
and drove to the swanky club in the harbor.

girlfriends are the best.



#naphopomo day number 8.

finding the good

it's broken.

yes. but look what is in it.

what?

us.

and you can see mr. tony's pidgeon coop.

that, too. 

and i can see our love.

yes. i think i can see it too!

that is the best part, mama. take a picture of it.

*click*




day seven of naphopomo.
it's not too late! join in the fun!

boom bap

jam. out.
that is what we did.
my mind was blown. i honestly don't know how to word  the
fantasticness of
the boom bap society.
i only know that i am so glad they are in my city.

smile

when all else fails

go outside.
there are heartcrushingdays.
there are lifeistooshort days.
there are idon'twanttogetoutofbed days.
justsnugglewiththechopforfivemoreminutes days.
go outside.
lace up your shoes.
and run.
let the cold november air cleanse the self-doubt,
lift it into the trees.
go outside.
because you got this.
you've got this amazing life.

stomp around.
feel your feet on this earth.
make some noise.
go outside.

bad guy

let's play "good guy/bad guy"

sounds good.

mama, you have to be the bad guy, ok? 
and i am going to win. because the good guy should win, right?

yes, sweetpea.  that is how it should be.
(and i ended it there. i didn't have the heart to tell him that real life isn't like that.)



(#naphopomo, day 3.)

day of love

oxford, maryland.
last minute shoot.
what a lovely way to spend a gorgeous saturday.