never let me go

"mama will you ever lose me?"

no baby.

"not EVER?"

as long as we stick together...then no.

"what if i stop following you?

and you keep walking and don't know that i have stopped?

then will you lose me forever?"

well, we just need to keep our eye on each other

and make sure that doesn't happen.

"i'll always find you. i'll find a way back because i am your baby."

tears streaming down my face.

glad he is in the back seat and cannot see me.

(really? where does this stuff come from?)

you have to

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either,
for solitude will also break you with its yearning. 

You have to love. 

You have to feel. 

It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart.
You are here to be swallowed up.
And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near,
let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps,
wasting their sweetness.
Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ~ Louise Erdrich

ciao.

so long, summer.
you were a bit of challenge.
 i can't say that i am going to miss you.
but thank you for your guidance.
i know you meant well.
 

cue theme song from jaws

the chop swam underwater for the first time tonight.
he is determined to be a scuba diver.
or a merboy.

get it together

we'll get the kids together over the summer. 

we shouted from rolled down windows

as we pulled away from the pick up line at the chop's school.

we had time, right?

we had the whole summer.

three months.

school starts next week and we have only 

had one playdate with a classmate.

one.

the lazy summer days have rambled by

with mornings of strawberry juice running down our arms

and sweaty wee ones learning how to kick and blow bubbles

at their swim lessons.

we journeyed north and dipped our toes in fresh water lakes

with friends that we wished lived closer.

we ate cherries and kayaked and got our toes tangled in seaweed 

while we imagined the creatures swimming in the dark water

below us.

popsicles have turned lips bright purple and green

and best friends talk about legos on the back porch.

sparklers make us scream with glee in the alley

as we wait for the cooler weather to approach.

and then,

then we'll get the kids together.

change

the pain of staying the same
has to be stronger than the fear of changing.
- my wise cousin, during a phone conversation.


those words make me ready to face the can of worms that i have opened.

five

the most important part about

having a birthday

is having everyone watch

you

blow out the candle.

the candle on the cake that was made for

you.

you.

you.

i am still going to call him babychop.

because he will always be my baby.

at least that is what he promised me.

i cannot believe my sweet one is five.

f-i-v-e.

africa hot

officially summer.
and hot.
let the games begin!

got it?

"you are just like brothers!" says izzy's grandmother.

"but we're really not brothers. we just LOOK like brothers." 

she goes along with it. 

"i see..."

eyebrow raised dramatically, the chop speaks slowly so there is no misunderstanding.
"what we are is bee-eff-EFFS!"

decade plus one

the decision about what to do this weekend is tough.
to celebrate 200 years since the star spangled banner was written,
the blue angels are flying over charm city for the first time since the fifties.
friends are gathering in mount vernon to celebrate gay pride.
and the lovely tall ships are waiting in the harbor to be photographed.

most importantly, today marks eleven years since i married my paulie.

for now? we're going to give the feverish chop more medicine and wrap around him.
because the big event at this moment is dinosaur train
accompanied by a cold juice box.

click

366 is a lot of days.

and i'm not gonna lie, 

it is a lot of work

lugging my camera

around. everywhere.

but i like looking back and seeing the 

days unfold since january 1.

time flies, yes.

but capturing an image from each day 

makes it seem possible to hold onto the

small moments. savor them just a bit longer.

each photo is a  reminder that i am 

still here.
that life goes on. beautifully.

these are the most recent.

the rest are here. 

p.s. happy earth day. xo

to the moon and back

goodnight bug. i love you.
i love you more.
well, that just isn't possible.
just you wait. you'll see.

out of the blue

babychop: mama, you know what is the best?
me: tell me.
babychop: love is the best. don't you think?
me: better than anything.

this photo is part of my one-a-day project. find the other photos here.

hello spring

we sit at the table in our second floor kitchen
and look out over the world
exploding with flowers
and chirping birds
and buzzing insects
and barking dogs.
kids play in the alley and plant new seeds in the dirt out back.
heavy coats are forgotten in a pile and bubbles float across the yard.
neighbors catch up on back porches and talk about the
unseasonable warmth.

over the winter months,
we wished for snow
with all our hearts.
but now, we let this lovely feeling in the air wrap around us,
the seductive scent of the earth opening up
fills our nostrils
with hope.
and we want it to stay this way.
for now.

whoa

i read while waiting for babychop
in his school pickup line.
i stay up until 2 a.m. to edit photos
and work on projects.
i have piles of sewing and crafts that i want to start
and many yet to finish.
there are clothes to go through, pack and drive to goodwill.
my garden is waking up and begging for some quality time with me.
days fly by.

i need a minute to breathe.
to sit.
and do nothing.

but i don't want to miss dressing up like a mama-pirate.
or catching darth vader before he captures woody and buzz.
letter sounds and seed sprouting take priority over napping.
writing a new menu for the kissykisslove cafe' takes time.

so, if i seem a little dizzy and can't complete full sentences.
please forgive me.
and, maybe bring me a cup of joe.

xoxo

papa had to work tonight
managing the restaurant
full of lovers in love.
so we sent this to him
so he would feel some love, too.

gorgeous life

"...I want
 to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable and beautiful and afraid of nothing,
 as though I had wings."
- mary oliver
 
  read entire poem here.

 reflecting in the mountains with family.
giggly kids, running around in superhero costumes.
pausing only to drink honey-milk and plan a hike.
good food. good beverages. fire burning.
sunrise. sunset. taking my breath away
as the glowy-tipped shenandoah mountains give me permission to relax.
to breathe.
to embrace so much.
and to let so much go.

one

one photo a day. for a year.
to get out and move. to be still.
to be present.
represented in one click a day.

1/366

join me?