punctuation

"i am sure that i don't have to
warn you about this...but you know",
i said, cautiously,
after we talked about
the new chapter in her life,
"now that you get your period,
you could get pregnant if
you were intimate with a boy."

i know.
but i am not like that, ms. k."

"i believe you",
i say as i think about all the boys
she talks about with her friends
and the unsupervised afternoons
after school and no parent is
wondering where she is.

plus. if i WERE to get pregnant,
i know he better give me $600 for an abortion."
she says,
hands on her hips,
eyebrows raised in all seriousness.

silence.

not what i was expecting from
the mouth of a ten-year-old.

anywhere, anyone, anything

post read-aloud shortie conversation:

"if i were alive back then,
i would have punched anyone
if they told me i coudn't go
into a restaurant or bathroom."

"i would have gone in anyway."

"you might have been killed!
you would have been scared."

"it was dangerous to fight.
if you did, you would be hurt
real bad."

"people had to be brave.
that is why we have our school today
and we can go anywhere we want."

looking out at my shorties,
after reading a story about the
life of the late, greatest,
courageous martin luther king,
i was glad for their gumption and pluck.
glad knowing that if martin
could hear them
he would know that his fight
was worth every step.
worth every sleepless night.
worth every second spent
summoning courage to face
what was overwhelmingly
wrong.

martin would be as proud
as i am to hear
my shorties say,
"...we can go anywhere we want."

yes, my sweet babies.
you can.
to the moon and back home again.

happy birthday, dr. king.
thank you.

spc: late july

each january
i begin the new year
with promises of ramping up
my excersise routine.
i run harder, faster longer
breathing in the cool winter air.

but this january
cream cheese on crackers,
mango fruit bars
and bubbie's pickles from whole foods,
odwalla protein shakes,
and coldcoldcold grapes
are what i live on now.

yoga pants with the fold down waist
and my softest cotton shirts
are what i live in now.

i have not been running
but sleeping most of the days
of my three-week break
from the shorties.
sleeping and eating
and trying not to hurl.

however,
i have not been a total sloth.
for eleven weeks
i have been working hard.
i have developed
a larynx
a brain
toes
fingers
and one beating heart.

on the first of december
i watched the two lines appear
on the white stick
as i unbelievably cried
and held my belly.

one month plus one day
after my first appointment
with my acupuncturist,
we concieved.

we are due in late july.

hee...



this new year, i will be pampering myself.
i will be preparing and reflecting
on the arrival of my very own shortie.

see more new year's resolutions here at the
self portrait challenge site.